Tegen Central

A Few Feet Ahead

2012-01-31T08:04:00.001-05:00

Last week one of my running buddies offered encouragement as we chugged up a never ending hill. Focus only a few feet ahead. And it worked as we breathed deeply, enjoyed the hard moments, took it slow and made it all the way to the top! Now comes the four mile training and the same strategy that got us through last week. I still can't imagine running thirteen miles but I am being daily amazed at how great running makes one feel.

The last few days have had us employing our running strategy in other ways. Levi has been incredibly sick with ear, eye and bronchiole infections intermingled with hives from the high fevers. So it is that he's on antibiotics and probiotics again. Pricey little things, the both of them. We're loving and medicating and praying hour by hour (even the wee ones in the morning).

Just before the high fevers and croupy cough hit, we were able to enjoy Levi's second zoo trip where we celebrated a friend's birthday. Even with sickness looming, he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

Searching for reptiles

A pretend safari

Mesmerized by giraffes

Watching others flirt with danger

Goofing with Dad

Birthday wishes to Man-a!

For this week we're getting better, recovering from sore muscles (check out Team India's work), and focusing on the few feet ahead. Hoping soon we can share that we have an energetic, healthy toddler once more.

Webster's Words: Intentional

2012-01-21T22:33:00.000-05:00

in·ten·tion·al

adj \in-ˈtench-nəl, -ˈten(t)-shə-n^əl\

Definition of INTENTIONAL

: done by intention or design : intended <intentionaldamage>

If there could be a word to describe our desire for this year, it's this one. That every action we take would flow from it. Too many years disappear with regrets but a year of intentional living should hold no if onlys.

It's January 21st and we've already had our share of purposed and purposeless but the former is winning with a kitchen calendar as our weapon of choice. In fact, every RA in our building is required to have this chosen weapon to help redeem their days. And it is proving effective.

There are days that I'd much rather trade intentional for comfortable. Like Wednesday when we went to play group where moms and kids come from large homes with 2.5 kids and housekeepers that help with their work. I suppose we could call our sweet custodians the keepers of our foyer but often I don't see it that optimistically. That day I wanted a big house and lots of new clothes and no knocks on the door at 11 pm. Then I remembered in all my wishing that God hasn't called us to a big house or even a lot of privacy. He's called us right now to be fully present and faithful. In 2012 it looks a lot like nine RAs and 120 students. But there is joy in the present. And this, yesterday, was a glimpse of it.

I'm discovering how good it is to be stretched. To spend time with people you perceive have nothing in common with you except thigh high tikes. When you intentionally break out of the comfortable even if it feels a lot like a fish-out-of-water experiment.

Intentional is not easy. Like the five days this week when my body didn't want to run two miles around the block or dare think about the thirteen it's training to run come April. Lazy days are easier. But lazy days don't produce endorphines that add richness to every daylight hour.

Intentional takes effort. Dying to self and living for others. Listening to brokenness. Praying over fears. Patience with fire alarms at 3 a.m. Compassion for the one who burned popcorn to set it off. Laughter for the one who thought Jesus was coming back. And more laughter for the one who neglected to grab clothes because his roommate said, "Hurry Jack, the building is burning down."

Intentional recognizes it is not about me. Like Jason keeping his word and going on a guys' polar bear plunge when his body begged to go to sleep. Like another fire scare last night and a baby who wouldn't sleep. Then a sleepy afternoon and a baby waking just as I closed my eyes to rest. Holding him I said with eyes closed, "It's not about me, is it? I wish it was, but it's not about me." He pried my right eye open to reaffirm my somber sentiment.

It takes energy. Sleep (thank you, precious Daddy, for rescuing this tired Mama today). Good, long Jesus time. Huge calendars. And a whole lot of determination to make this year count.

It takes being intentional every day regardless of feelings. And tonight intentional means pressing post and heading outside my door.

Milestones: 18-21 Months

2012-01-17T00:25:00.001-05:00

He's sleeping through the night, dancing to music, learning new words and wrapping college students around his chubby fingers. . . but we have few pictures or video to prove it. Often when devices come out Levi does anything but act natural. Maybe this is his latest milestone. Here he is on a willing day...

So this time we'll share fun facts with pictures and video from the past months.

Weight: 29 pounds
This was confirmed Thursday and Friday as we were at the doctor both days. More on that later.

A common sight

Favorite foods: Fruit and juice
But most definitely not vegetables

Favorite word(s): Mama, juice and Nana

Favorite toy: Spatulas and other kitchen tools
Every time we read the nursery rhyme book and come to Rub-a-Dub-Dub he points excitedly at the baker who holds a spatula then runs to find his own in the kitchen. Anyone else think that's a strange nursery rhyme?

Accomplishments: Signing more, please, thank you, all done, and milk.
Saying mama, dada, pa pa, nana, juice, no no, uh oh, and attempting other words while understanding what seems like everything including his dad asking, "hey punk, you wanna fight?" and him shaking his head emphatically no.
He's currently working on thumbs up but is having trouble lowering his pointer finger so he sometimes walks around with what could be interpreted as a gun.

Funniest moment: Levi standing in the booth at Subway doing his chicken arm flap dance to the music playing.
We tried to capture it on video but shy Levi appeared.

Kisses for a hurt Daddy

Most treasured memory: Uga muga and Family hugs
Recently Levi has been pulling my face to his as we rock at night. We rubbed noses this night and in a nostalgic Mr. Roger's uga muga moment I whispered "I love you" to which Levi replied, "I woah woah."

During one of our many hug sessions I walked up to Jason and Levi and Levi put an arm around each of our necks for what began daily family hugs and kisses. To date, if he finds me and Jason hugging he comes to wrap his arms around our legs and whimpers to be included.

At Grammy and Grandpa's

And, a milestone for mom.

Mama Intuition
I'm always a slow one at getting things. Like mama intuition. We've been thankful Levi has been so healthy his first 1 1/2 years of life to not need much intuition, but Wednesday after two weeks of a cold and cough, Levi's cough changed and I sensed something was wrong. Thursday morning I took him to the doctor expecting to confirm my suspicion. But Levi wouldn't cough for them and upon examination everything seemed fine. So I went home with confidence shaken. Still something seemed wrong. And Thursday night he spiked a terribly high fever. We were back in the office Friday morning and again they found nothing but a tylenol reduced fever. As expected my crooping toddler refused to cough until the doctor left the room. The doctor gave an antibiotic to at least make [me] feel better. It made her feel better too because I got out of her hair. I had decided I wasn't leaving the office without some significant meds.

Six doses of medicine later Levi is slowly returning to his old self and my confidence as my child's best doctor is growing. Hurray for God-infused intuition and for a baby who's getting better!

At the lake on RA retreat

What's New and Book Review Combo

2012-01-04T00:55:00.000-05:00

I'm typing quietly because we just closed our apartment door at midnight and have approximately seven hours before the silence gets chased away by nine RAs ready for retreat. We try to enjoy both the silence and the chaos fully...thus the quiet typing.

Breaks come at the most appropriate times. And then when we enjoy them thoroughly nights like tonight feel excitingly electric with the energy of everyone coming back. So we took an excited toddler and friends to Chick-fil-a, baked muffins to prepare for the on-the-road team breakfast, helped a stranded RA and talked a lot. Now all is quiet especially since the RA guys just left for the ever-essential Cookout for late night greasy burgers that will presumably help them roll out of bed easier at 7 a.m.

Just wanted to quickly share a book we had the privilege of finishing during our semi-quiet break. It's our primary read for the team going to India in May and you can get a copy FREE. Here. Thought we would share from the last page a challenge that follows a convicting look at the suffering of the "untouchable" children of India and one organization offering hope.

The world is broken, filled with so much suffering, so many precious children -- all lost and helpless. I want to lead them to Jesus, the One who is their hope. But I can't turn back the clock. Time flies by and before we know it, it's all over. There's the final good-bye from this earth and to all the things we thought were so important and held on to so tightly.

Think about it! One hundred years from now, what do they matter? The house, cars, clothes, pearls, bank accounts, vacations, real estate, opinions of others, honors we sought and lived for. Oh, how silly we are not to live in the light of eternity!

Now is our opportunity to see these precious people come to know the Lord. Amy Carmichael once said, 'We shall have all eternity to celebrate the victories, but we have only the few hours before sunset in which to win them.'

What a day it is going to be when we stand before the throne to find multitudes that no man can number from every nation, every tribe and every tongue! Our willingness to work these few hours will make eternity that much richer.

I plead with you to stop and think about what I am saying. Take your driver's license...and look at it. See your date of birth on it. How old are you now? Maybe 20, 40, 60 years... Add 100 years to your present age. Where are you now? Where is your house? How much do the opinions of others matter to you?

You see what I am talking about.

Live in the light of eternity. Love God by loving others. Make your life count.

Whew. Such a simply written book that grips the heart and challenges us deeply in this new year ahead.

And now for another new year challenge: good rest. Tomorrow morning the silence gives way to chaos. : )

Night all!

Where the Lambs are Kept

2011-12-25T22:49:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to you! This year's efforts for a simpler, more Jesus-focused Christmas have in some ways been successful although the living room was still full of boxes, wrapping paper and new things by 10 a.m. We found great joy in Levi unwrapping things and he found greater joy in wandering around the house exploring.

To start the morning right we read a new reflection on all that happened so long ago. Hope it can be deep encouragement that the celebration is not over today. That it is indeed the happ, happiest season of all because of this baby who sacrificed so we could belong to God.

Down through the ages and around the globe, groups of people joined together by their poverty of reputation have formed communities within their communities in order to work and live out the days appointed for them by their Maker.

Such were the shepherds of Bethlehem.

The shepherd's life was ironic. Their job was to care for the animals that would be sacrificed to atone the sins of the people. Yet because of their handling of these dirty creatures, they themselves were unclean and thus prevented from keeping the ceremonial law... The shepherds' lives were, in effect, sacrifices.

On one particular night, in the pastureland skirting Bethlehem's northeast side, some shepherds sat like sentinels at their posts, keeping watch over their flocks, unaware of the angel regarding them from the skies overhead... A sudden, glorious light shone in the darkness as the angel of the Lord appeared among them. The shepherds were terrified. Of course they were. So wide was the gap between God and man that whatever information an angelic messenger was dispatched to deliver seemed more likely to be bad news than good. They were afraid because they knew they had reason to be afraid. But the angel said, "Don't be afraid. Listen, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people!"

The angel's words painted a picture of the glorious presence of the promised Redeemer. He used names to describe the coming Messiah to these shepherds -- names that spoke to the Messiah's purpose. He called him the Savior, meaning that he would atone for the sins of the people. He called him Christ, distinguishing him as their deliverer. He called him the Lord, identifying him as divine.

The shepherds might have wondered why the angel chose to reveal this to them. This sort of news seemed to belong to people of influence or nobility. It was hardly the kind of report they ever imagined would be exclusively for men of their vocation, let alone reputation. But then the angel used one more expression that brought overwhelming clarity to this moment. He told them Christ the Lord had been born "unto you." The divine Savior and Messiah had been born unto them.

Though they lived most of their lives on the outside looking in, they would not be outsiders to this gift. They were the recipients of it... But as soon as he announced Jesus' birth, "suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God" saying, "Unto you is born this day a Savior, who is Christ the Lord!"

For the poor, helplessly earthbound shepherds, this was a lot to take in... But why had the glory of all glories appeared to the lowest of the lows? Why had the angel chosen to reveal this message to mere shepherds, unclean as they were?

Because poverty is relative. Could it be that from the perspective of heaven, the poor shepherds outside Bethlehem were no more or less poor than the rest of the world sleeping under its watch? Could it be that the poor of the earth were in fact all the people of the earth -- poor in spirit, mourning, meek, hungry and thirsty for righteousness? Could it be that the Savior's coming was for them as much as it was for anyone, and for anyone as much as it was for them?

The angels gave the shepherds a sign that left them speechless. Their Messiah and Savior could be found where the young lambs were kept. He would be the one not covered in wool, but wrapped in swaddling clothes.

Where the lambs are kept? This they needed to see. When they found Jesus in the manger as the angel said, the very location of his birth was drenched in significance. The Savior had been born into their unclean world in the same manner as a lamb. The symbolism was not lost on them. When the shepherds saw Jesus there, they not only saw that he had come, but they also got a hint as to why. He came to be the perfect lamb, the ultimate, lasting sacrifice.

This baby's coming was to accomplish and establish peace between the God of all creation and his image-bearers who habitually rejected him.

And so it would be all his days. From the manger in Bethlehem to the cross on Calvary, Jesus moved among the people, came into their homes, touched their blind eyes, and permitted their unfaithful hands to touch him. He taught them profound lessons from ordinary events. He defended the defenseless and opposed the self-righteous. He ate at their tables, laughed with their children, and wept over their grief. Never did he abandon his purpose for coming, which was to die for a world of spirit-poor outsiders as the Lamb of God who takes their sin away. Jesus was born poor. He lived poor. And he died poor for the sake of his people.

-Behold the Lamb of God: An Advent Narrative by Russ Ramsey

From our family to yours, merry Christmas and blessings in the new year.

Music, Mourning and Hope

2011-12-19T22:02:00.000-05:00

I typed this out yesterday on Jason's iPhone but in the middle of starting to post realized we were lost and I had the map on the phone. So, our update from yesterday now that we found our way to Myrtle Beach and then to our Georgia family...

Perhaps it's rotten timing to share this but playing in our car as we drive and I type is perhaps the best Christmas music on the planet. It's obviously a biased opinion but it was one solidified after waiting a year and a half to hear it live. Friday night we beheld the wonder of Christmas through an exquisite mixture of vocals, strings and percussion. The only thing that disappointed was it being over. But, the good news here is that it's an album crescendoing from the beginning stories of Genesis to the Gospels that totally works to play year round. Good, good news for all, friends.

The extraordinary Jill Phillips and Andrew Peterson

Today we're traveling with a friend down to Myrtle Beach to mourn the passing of a friend and fellow school grad who gave his life for the Gospel overseas.

We grieve deeply for his passing but are incredibly thankful for hope intermingled in the sadness.

Glory to Jesus, ancient and strong

Giver of love and the theme of my song

Glory to Jesus, ancient and strong

Come to your people, carry us home

Behold our broken hearts

And gather us beneath your wings tonight

Son of God, Son of Man

-Andrew Peterson

A Finger, a Firefighter and an Indian Baby Shower

2011-12-09T22:41:00.002-05:00

Good evening! There are a few things to share this Friday as our lobby has gone from a perpetual ping pong tournament to a deserted playing field. Yesterday was graduation and now (for the most part), silence. With an insanely full few weeks, the break is coming at the perfect time.

This time last week we were gearing up for a weekend storm of activities that included Jason racing up a mountain for his half marathon. He comes alive running. I try to stay alive if I run.

While we sent to sleep late after campus Christmas celebrations and up early for the mountain run, there were exciting things to keep us up on Saturday including a friend returning from China, our RA Christmas party and, as if Jason's body hadn't endured enough, Jason's finger getting slammed in the van door. Just today, almost a week later, the pain is finally subsiding.

It's looking better!

Then, Sunday. The story I've wanted to share. Not including ruining banana bread for firemen or the huge study party and feast we threw in our lobby (sadly, no pictures to share because our camera had not been replaced yet), Sunday was filled with excitement because I attended a monumental baby shower.

For a year I've hoped for an Indian friend and decided the clerk in Walmart would do nicely. I've gone through her line too many times to count, struck up conversation and time and time again invited her to lunch. But I had resigned myself to the fact that she was only an "inside the walls of Walmart" friend. So on Black Friday while shopping for a few groceries, you can imagine my elation when she invited me to her baby shower. I agreed and tried to pick out the perfect gift for a baby whose gender is still a mystery. My friend, we'll call her Shanta, is due in March and is seeing the same OB/GYN I did with Levi! This past Sunday was the shower and to my shock was not an American baby shower given by Walmart employees.

I pulled into the full parking lot to see Indian men, women and children dressed in traditional clothing entering the building. And I made my first observation: Indians drive mini-vans and SUVs. So I fit in quite nicely with my MPV.

Entering the building to loud Hindi music, over 100 Indians sat at tables watching kids play musical chairs up front. My friend greeted me looking like an Indian princess and welcomed me to a front row seat of all things India for the afternoon. I was a mixture of overwhelmed and awed. Only one other non-Indian was there and we became quick friends taking everything in and asking the constant question, "What is happening right now?" We mostly never had answers for that question.

Taken from my phone. Wow, pardon my hair.

Then, the other non-Indian left and...

I panicked. Not wanting to commit any cultural blunders, I slid across the seat to an older Indian woman and began asking for answers to all the questions I had. She and her husband were incredibly precious even explaining the god statue that sat at the front of the room.

And then, my new non-Indian friend walked in with four other Walmart employees and a huge cake which led to an incredible wedding-like cake ceremony. This was followed by more wondering of what exactly was happening and then, dancing.

Dancing could easily give way to cultural blunders or worse, free amusement. But thankfully my new friend schooled me on the footwork and soon I was dancing around the room with about forty Indian women and four Walmart employees. Shanta watched with a big smile.

After the joy of dancing came my next Indian observation: Indian food is dang spicy. As I ate the chicken bite by flaming bite, I swirled water around and opened my mouth slightly as if eating a red hot and trying to find relief from the burn. And with the chicken came the two and a half hour mark and my time to depart for our Stu-B Study party. The party wouldn't end for five more hours. Some kind of baby shower, I'd say! And a precious gift from sweet Jesus to have my first experience with Indian culture. How I loved every minute (with the exception of the panic after new Walmart friend left)!

_ _ _

And before I go, I'd love to share two more quick, totally unrelated things.

Thing 1: Jason and I have been thinking a lot about Christmas traditions and how to live in America but focus on Christmas. This morning I skimmed an incredibly challenging post with practical ideas for a Jesus-focused Christmas. We're planning to look over it together and take some ideas for our own purposeful festivities. I love that she took the time to write it all out and challenge so many of us to look closer at our celebrating.

Thing 2: When our camera broke we sent it off only to find out it couldn't be fixed and were given a large store credit to replace it. So, now that we have a new, working camera there are so many pictures and videos to come of our little 20 month old. He's doing SO much...and we're in love. Hoping to share in the coming week.

Thanks for reading this long one. Hope your weekend is wonderfully intentional being loved on by your creator and pouring it back out to others.

Oh, Christmas Tree

2011-12-06T01:05:00.000-05:00

Those who get Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day will appreciate this post. With our camera currently out of commission and a borrowed camera/iPhone to make do, we've tossed in Webster's words from the week for an interesting, partially fictitious story of the search for this year's lobby Christmas tree. Hope you enjoy the mayhem.

One by one the RA family jumped from their multi-purpose vehicle ready to find the perfect tree fit for a lobby. There were sapphires and pines and firs but mostly questions of where to start. Plans formed with the tallest taking the scouting lead. And scout he did with all his might.

The search took the team over hills and valleys to the darkest corner of the lot. The tallest had not found the gargantuan, perfect tree they so eagerly sought.

One clever gent decided the measuring compass might offer direction and much needed distraction. Soon everyone took their turn. That illusive tree stood somewhere waiting for discovery and each person secretly hoped they would be credited with finding it even if just for the satisfaction of others

genuflecting before them in awe. While some stood bemused by compass shenanigans, a small posse determined they would find the perfect tree before all the others. And the little one would lead them. He was, after all, always glad to wander where he pleased.

Levi's hand-picked Charlie Brown.

His scouting expertise indeed led him to a tree just his size with branches more artistically arranged. The adults termed it a Charlie Brown. But to him it was perfect. While some scratched their heads, Daniel the non-Wise (as opposed to Daniel Wise) spotted a beauty he thought the group would be sure to pick over the meager Charlie Brown. In the blink of an eye he had the tree wrapped and loaded before the team could top the hill.

But instead of coming empty handed and awestruck, the team came into view with multiple midget trees in tow. Because Daniel the non-Wise, the little one, and multiple other RAs had all found "the perfect tree" this year.

- - -

And so, the two trees and many more Charlie Browns made it back to school where their perfection is currently on display. One for the lobby, one for the little one's room and one for each RAs room. Each one perfect in the eye of their beholder.

The beauty Levi's beholding complete with homemade baked shape ornaments.

And some decorated ratherly perfectly if we do say so ourselves.

Thankful in Our Walk of Faith

2011-11-24T18:39:00.000-05:00

Before Jason and I married we spent some time considering a very important question, "Could God use our lives more effectively together than separately?" We often challenge dating couples to consider that question. While we knew the significance of marriage we never fully understood the multilevel powerhouse that the union of a man and woman under God represents. When Levi joined us our hearts ached for children not nurtured and protected by both Mom and Dad as we've seen Levi thrive under God's family structure. I was reminded in a post by the CEO from "our agency" of many waiting for that protection and encouraged thinking about those now thriving in it:

This Thanksgiving season, I’m thankful for the adoptive families that are waiting eagerly and expectantly during a process that is taking much longer than it should. I’m thankful for the families who have saved and sacrificed for an adoption process when money is tight and our nation’s economy is stagnant. I’m thankful for the families who faithfully and obediently follow God’s call to adoption, even though it doesn’t logically make sense. And even though thousands of orphans remain homeless, I’m thankful that the 9,320 children who found families through intercountry adoption this past year will have a Thanksgiving in which their brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, moms and dads will look at them and say, “I’m thankful for you this year.”

We long to bring children into our home but now we are in a holding pattern. Our hearts are thankful for this season even though we look forward to the time it will come to an end allowing us to proceed forward. But in the waiting, God has been giving incredible gifts.

I was in chapel just over a month ago when God opened a door. Over and over I had the thought of taking a girls' trip to India this May, but there were no obvious avenues to get there. So I told God about it. Every time the thought came.

The avenue appeared in chapel one day and as the director talked to me afterward asking me to lead the team to India (he had no idea what I'd been thinking), I was encouraged that I was to take this team. Soon the door closed with the first organization but I was sure this trip was supposed to happen and certain another option would emerge. There were other possibilities but one night huddled around the computer screen watching videos with a student, one Youtube video led to another and unexpectedly an organization made it's way to the screen with the residual effect of my heart pounding inside me. I emailed to ask if teams could come to visit and to my surprise they only had one opening in May, which so happened to be the only week we could come. Additionally, the director wrote me with a sweet message inviting us to come for that week even though others were requesting the same time. This was God-ordained.

The organization works throughout the country and we simply requested to use our education degrees/training to love on orphans and vulnerable children. Slowly a team of girls began to form and we got our assignment: two centers serving children in neighboring states. We were going to India!!

Team India

One of the centers teaches seventy-five children from the lowest caste system. Children from Hindu backgrounds who would never have an education otherwise. And the other I discovered is a vocational center reaching out to one hundred children coming from various backgrounds. And this incredible vocational center, as it turns out, is located in Kolkata, India!!

So in May, the girls and I {while Levi stays with Jason} will travel for a week and a half stay in India teaching, playing and loving on kids with a portion of that time spent in the heart of Kolkata serving orphaned children.

It's a most unexpected surprise worthy of great thanks to God! Here's the video of the precious lady we'll get to work alongside and of the children we'll teach. You can view it here.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family as you give thanks for God's many blessings! We're enjoying time with both families and with an abundance of friends and sweets {hooray}. Thankful certainly sums up our hearts today. We hope you find yourself in that same place.

Chapters

2011-11-16T16:18:00.000-05:00

Recently I came upon a book that I rushed out to buy and couldn't put down. Each chapter left indentions on my heart because God was molding me through the words. And then I did what anyone who finds a good book does. I talked about it a whole lot and bought a crazy amount of copies to hand out.

Sick students waiting to see a doctor and Levi's new hideout.

Last week and this one have been a blur of activity. All-night trips to the emergency room with students, bats in the stairwell, crazy haircutting sprees, Homecoming, incredible moments with God, callings to obedience (and I say amen to this post), Levi's new toddler room, working through student issues, football on the lawn. The list goes on.

An intimidation haircut for Saturday's Cross Country race.

This year has really been one that stands out. We predicted it, didn't we? All because God did some incredible heart work in me this summer and has both Jason and myself at a place of being totally present in the here and now. It could be likened to reading a really challenging book with rich, shaping chapters. And taking in every single word before moving on to the next one. We are so thankful for the current chapter God's writing this year. Just plum thankful.

And since we're talking about chapters, might we recommend a really amazing book? =]

You can one order by clicking here.

Looking forward to sharing a sweet surprise from our current chapter soon...and a few more awesome book recommendations!

India, Part II

2011-11-05T08:30:00.004-04:00

While making Kolkata clear to me, he had simultaneously spoken to my friend. She was sure he had spoken but uncertain of what he meant. When I asked what he'd said to her I was astounded.

"He said, 'She's there.'" And then she added, "But I don't know what he means. What did he say to you?"

I blurted it out, chill bumps and all. "He said Kolkata, India." Then she repeated reverently, "And God said, 'She's there.' " It was surreal finishing our talk sensing God was so near.

Days later when Jason and I went out for extended time to pray and process, I was already convinced we'd be signing papers that day to begin the adoption process. But when we came away with confusion and a growing sense to wait, I was crushed. How could all this happen and it not be time?

It was a rough few weeks in August and September. But with October came clarity. Our current house does not and cannot have enough bedrooms. {Believe me, we've tried to finagle a third bedroom.} And secondly, India has announced a temporary hold on new applications until the end of December. God knew. We didn't. We simply had to trust his leading and specifically his leading of a very attentive, listening husband. A precious husband who hated to tell me he sensed we were to wait and was heartbroken holding me as I cried myself to sleep some nights.

But I am realizing something so critical in this journey. It's so obvious but has the deepest meaning when we have personally learned it.

This story belongs to him.

He has never existed to accomplish my purposes. Adoption is not about me. Repeat, it's not about me. It is about his heart for belonging. I exist to belong to him and obey his voice. And as he blesses our family with children, it is for the purpose of wrapping them in our arms so we can then point them to his.

So now in November we hold our hands open before the giver of all good things refusing to clench our fists around things he has not yet given. We pray for our daughter who will join our family and we absolutely believe God will open the next doors when he is ready to entrust us with his daughter. It is hard to wait but so good to learn to truly trust and lose control. This is, after all, his story. A story of him asking his children to walk by faith.

May 6, 2011

It's been two years and four months since God began to speak about India and a little less than that when I saw you in a dream. I often wish I could speed up this process but a God-ordained story has to continually belong to him and stay in his timeline. That's hard. I wish I could find you now. You are already a part of our family. When I think of family pictures, I think of you. When I go to family events, I miss you. I am eager to teach you all the things a mom teaches a daughter and let you unpack the aching your heart has been through to let us help you carry the load.

We will love you and cherish you. And you will be safe here by God's protection. We will give you all that we can and faithfully share with you the most valuable treasure we possess: our relationship with God as a compassionate Father, loving Son and life-giving Spirit. He is our hope, our purpose, our everything. And we will share all about how we have come to know that he is the one, true God among all the world's others. He is indeed wonderful and we want you to know of his deep, deep love for you.

Tonight I have looked at adoption agencies, thought about how to expand our two bedroom apartment and added agency fees. Right now it seems impossible. But I have discovered the secret that with the one true God ALL things are possible. Granted, sometimes there is waiting involved.

I love you sweetheart. Tonight I cannot listen to you or put my hands on you and pray or tuck you into bed so I have to settle for writing in this journal that you've never touched and praying prayers without knowing where you are or how to get to you. I am praying tonight that the God who sees will tell you these things and begin to build anticipation and hope for you.

We will keep listening for God's leading and we will follow him to you. We are coming in his time and loving you more with each day. How I am aching to bring you home and have a complete family picture. Sweet girl, you have been set apart by God for our family and we believe, ultimately, his.

Tonight, I am praying you home.

Mom

Walking by Faith: Part 8

2011-11-04T13:28:00.000-04:00

For many I've had the conversation across a phone line, in our school lobby, or across a table. But the problem with this level of communication is that I cannot look across from where I sit or even make out one feature of your face. So I request, we request, that you'd introduce yourself. So we know as we share deep things from our heart with whom we've shared and who stands beside us in this faith walk waiting for our daughter of promise.

Since discovering the open door of India's new age requirement, God has graciously opened other doors too. But in the midst of open doors, He continues to teach us the discipline always involved in adoption: waiting. It's a process of aching, writhing, pouting, repenting and trusting. Maybe we will learn in this process to skip the writhing and pouting and instead move immediately to trusting. But these are lessons for us, and for me especially with my mother's heart. We know God is good, all the time. Belonging to him has taught us that we can always trust his heart. The hard part is thriving in the present with him without begging for the promised future.

In May he told us to wait three more months. So we waited, wrote, talked and decided to begin pursuing foster care. But when we discovered our new eligibility in August everything stopped as we prayed. We were uncertain of an agency to contact to ask questions. But since God had revealed a specific child, we figured he would have to lead us to an agency. A day after declaring that, He led. The dream I had of our daughter included a long hallway unique with windows lining the right side and a door on the left. Not until that day in August did I realize that a hallway at an orphan conference we attended looked just like the one from my dream. God brought it to my mind and I immediately looked up the agencies from that conference, that were displayed in that very hall. There among the list was an agency that had opened an India program during the summer while we were waiting. And I sensed this was indeed the agency. But Jason would surely be a harder one to convince.

I approached him late at night. He was tired. There was no way he'd want to hear about it this night. But his eyes widened when I told him I had news and he too was impressed with the agency. And then God showed us both special, personal things to sweetly confirm: THIS IS THE ONE!

I could hardly contain my excitement. The doors were opening. This was happening!

When I sat to tell a friend about these new open doors, God completely interrupted my thoughts. {He's most welcome to do that, for the record.} But what he said perplexed me. It was clear and almost visible: Kolkata, India. I stopped talking to my friend and sat silently to let the words sink in. When she questioned why I'd stopped talking, I told her the truth. "God just spoke to me." I was shocked by her response.

To be continued tomorrow...

Catching Up

2011-11-01T15:24:00.000-04:00

We load pictures on our computer often and they sit there. Not in books, not printed and not shared. Because when we get behind it's sometimes hard to figure out where to start to catch up. Add a little one who loves to get into everything, lots of college students who stop by and one disorganized mama. The results are good but undocumented times.

Today in an effort to catch up and stay there, here are some favorite photos from the last few weeks.

Michelle and Levi having an afternoon chat.

Learning about the adventures that await him when he's older

Grammy and Grampy

One of our few smiling pictures

Sheer joy

Jason's 28th birthday bash

An overnight trip to the mountains

Enjoying leaves with friends Daniel and Amanda. (And Phil and Kath who aren't pictured.)

Our ride until it sells for a good price. :) We also still have our multi-purpose vehicle (i.e. van). ;)

Our little bear

Happy catching up to you too as you welcome the new month. During November we'll also catch you up on something we've been quiet about for some time: India. We hope to start sharing this week!

A Note from Georgia

2011-10-23T00:02:00.001-04:00

We're in GA for the weekend on a spontaneous trip to see family. Until we can get back and upload pictures of perfectly coated candied apples, southern "snow", and Levi exploring down South, I'll share a positive moment from our tiny kitchen recently.

Over a pile of dishes a week or so ago, I grumbled to the Lord about the bad attitudes I carry sometimes and questioned verbally where impatience comes from. "Why would You have allowed for selfishness and impatience to have a place in humans? {And I literally said this to Him...} I know the Sunday school answer with satan and the fall but that's not cutting it. Where does it come from in Your children?"

I then heard the voice of God because the answer shocked me with it's brilliance.

"It comes from My absence." And just like the incredible Jesus answers we read about, here was an answer containing both the problem and the solution. It's an answer I've shared with many people in the last two weeks and wanted to share with you.

As I've remembered this and come to God with many deep things lately, His answers have been sweet medication for my needy soul even to the point of being the most healing words in scripture that He could have set before me at the time I needed them most. He is good and wise and better to us than we could ever deserve.

I pray your seeking Him leads you, too, to sweet answers your soul has been needing to hear.

Weekends

2011-10-15T05:44:00.000-04:00

It's 5 am and I've been up for some time on the couch with Levi who has ceased full night slumbers. We're blaming two traumatizing shots from a week ago since they directly coincide with his regression. But I am happy to report that he has been sleeping for hours beside me complete with leg slung over my belly and hand clasping my arm. Sweet ~~moments~~ hours.

Before my eyes become any blurrier and my chances of overcoming the Saturday nap urge disappear, just wanted to share a few pictures of our weekends. In some form or another, the last four weekends have been wrapped around retreats. Some were getaways and others had specific purpose. Last Saturday we were up early for Jason to saw down a tree before starting a day of festivals and outdoor excursions with extended family. And for many of the latter pictures, we thank Cousin Alicia who joined us with her family hiking to waterfalls, attending a pumpkin festival and driving down winding roads to an incredible overlook.

Now for a bit of sleep before this weekend officially kicks off with a Coats for Kids Auction and some afternoon apple picking. In all of the travels and searching the past few weekends, we've noticed the sad reality of the increasingly endangered candied apple. And hopefully after tomorrow's harvest, we'll do our part to bring these precious Fall treats back from the brink of extinction. Photos of that blessed event to come! :)

Happy weekending!

Kitchen Tales

2011-10-08T21:30:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time (a time not so long ago) in a town located equally between two large cities, a girl was enjoying a new full-sized, glass top stove purchased as a surprise from a darling, thoughtful, incredible (are you reading this, husband?) boy. It was the first full-sized stove she'd ever had in six years of marital bliss. And today this stove would perfectly cook homemade dinner rolls and a delectable chocolate cake for dinner with some friends. But cocoa and milk and butter boil quickly and during the process started spilling on the glass top. Somehow the girl was surprisingly quick removing the pot, turning off the burner and using water to stop any burning.

And all was well.

Until.

Lurking just behind her shoulder high up on the wall, a plastic bloodhound barked out the cry and soon the message traveled to EVERY bloodhound in EVERY room of the whole five story building. "Trying to cook?" their ear-piercing "bonk, bonk, bonk" mocked with flashing lights to seal the discovery. And soon, voices yelled from the stairwells as students filed like ants. And because the cocoa-induced fire drill with students on the lawn was not enough, the voice of the bloodhounds traveled all the way into town. And minutes later, with maintenance men running to and fro, the Mac Daddy bloodhound cried out with loud bellows all the way from the fire station to the, now empty, five-story building with sirens and lights blaring the whole way. And the boy in the story, remember the darling, dashing, super wise, ever-compassionate boy, discovered that men riding in Mac Daddy bloodhounds do not like false alarms nor do they sympathize that milk and cocoa and butter boil quickly.

And with that, the girl hid in her kitchen while the brave boy took care of the chaos outside. And she did not let the stove top leave her sight until the chocolate cake was delectable and the homemade, pull apart rolls were perfect.

And that they were! Perhaps even more-so after the almost thwarted effort by a gang of plastic bloodhounds hovering eager to sound the cry of something gone awry.

Photo Courtesy of Country Living

And, if you'd like to thwart the plans of your own bloodhounds,

try the cake for your family and friends here.

Milestones: 14 to 17 Months

2011-10-02T22:46:00.000-04:00

He's walking, babbling with intonation and showing lots of personality. Like these recent screen shots at Nana and Grandpas.

We've been capturing developmental milestones over the past few months and are happy to share a self-feeding, high-fiving little toddler. But the latest milestone may just be the greatest of Levi's accomplishments.

While we treasure every milestone, sleeping through the night is HUGE and just after we'd concluded prayers for children to sleep were on the "no" answer list. At almost eighteen months Levi had slept about ten nights ever through the night and never more than two consecutively. Last Friday night on a retreat in a one-room cabin with our RAs Levi slept so horribly that Jason drove over two hours just to take him to the grandparents. But Sunday night as we returned, gave him his bath and tucked him in bed beside his mini zoo of bears, he slept. All night. And every night since. Thank you to the grandparents for pulling out the magic sleep dust. The world is a brighter place at 7 am after a full night's sleep and life is better for everyone at Tegen Central these days.

Also, we wanted to thank everyone who voted for our new night sleeper! While it doesn't look like we won, some really cute kids did! We'll look forward to seeing the official winners later this month.

For tonight, we're sprinkling some dust on our own pillows as we'll be up early heading to the mountains {it's Fall break} to enjoy some cooler weather, mountain thickets and plush hotel rooms.

Hope your week goes well!

Voting for Shoes

2011-09-21T22:30:00.007-04:00

Calling all obliging friends. The photo of a little blonde-headed boy is up on a kids' footwear site. There are thousands of other cute faces there too. We entered a contest to win a $700 gift certificate for shoes from the company. While visions of Levi walking in-style float through my head, we know of other cute faces down the road from us who wear misfitting, ratty shoes every day. But, by our estimates, a $700 gift certificate could allow at least thirteen kids to wear the highest quality shoes for their developing feet.
Here's where the obliging comes in. We'd love to at least share the opportunity with you for Levi and twelve others to get a pair of shoes for winter. Voting starts tonight and goes through October 2nd. You can vote once per day.

Visit the website here, search for Levi and keep clicking through October 2nd.

{Thank you sweet Laurin McDowell for your pic of our boy.}

Diary of a Week

2011-09-17T21:21:00.009-04:00

Because a smorgasbord of things filled last week, we'll share our "diary" of sorts to catalog them for you.

Friday.
While most days are filled with people floating in and out of our house, lunch dates in the cafeteria and nap times in the afternoon, this day looked a lot more like running full speed in all directions. First up was breakfast and pictures by our sweet friend Sarah. Love this incredibly talented girl! Check out her website here.

Next came preparations for Levi to stay with Nana and Grandpa and for us to pull an all-nighter. Forty people would join us and twelve would make it all the way to sunrise. We prayed through the night and didn't even get sleepy. It was Jason's first time ever staying awake that long. (He's not a night person and that is an understatement.)

It truly was an awesome under-the-stars, around-the-campfire, huddled-in-prayer-cabins night of prayer!

Saturday.
To be wide-eyed all night, we crashed hard. Bodies were not meant to be up all day and all night. It will probably take ours a few days to recalibrate.

Sunday.
Cartwheels and Spiritual Emphasis, a perfect combination. Maybe next time we'll be doing the cartwheels after spiritual emphasis though I think many could have after the awesome sense of God's presence among us. Here we're trying to teach a few girls the lost art of cartwheeling.

Monday.
Farewell visit to Levi's great-grandparents soon departing for Florida then Spiritual Emphasis today with a family date to Chick-fil-a just before.

Tuesday. Major soreness. Entering the second week of P90X with college girls has my quads yelling at me with every move. An hour of plyometrics will do that to a never-been-in-shape-in-my-life body. This stuff is INTENSE and ever so bonding as you lay covered in sweat dying alongside other girls.

Wednesday.
Homemade scones and back-to-back-to-back meetings with friends and students. It's one-on-one week with resident assistants and that means meeting with eight different students in one week besides other planned and mandatory meetings. And don't forget Wednesday night Bible and prayer at our place. Add mozzarella sticks with marinara for dipping and it's a good, good night.

Thursday.
Levi is doing so much these days. We have a milestone video coming sometime next week but besides communicating like crazy, today he learned to make soup. The toilet was his pot and his hand the spoon. : (
(Sorry Misty and Jacob. I didn't know how to throughly clean a plush toy. Peanut man met trash man.)

Friday.
Every night this week we were in bed at midnight or after with lots of other things we didn't even record here. But this night was for more good reasons such as a late night talk hearing someone's story and final preparations for a prayer retreat for women from our church. So glad to finally have finished the video for the event and have all speaking notes down. One day you just might read my obituary with cause of death, procrastination.

Now for the weekend. The prayer retreat, Grammy and Grandpa Harrell arriving from Georgia, and of course, the Clemson game. Happy weekending!

Bekah Boom

2011-09-08T14:58:00.008-04:00

Two states away a girl is unpacking a car and a trailer full of boxes. Three years ago she packed them in brokenness and fear wondering what a job far away from family might hold. It was far from easy. And during the darkest time just months ago, God's promises were still true.

On Sunday I strapped on my special occasion shoes. The ones from downtown Jerusalem for my twenty-seventh birthday. I drove two hours and arrived just in time to celebrate the ending and beginning of a season. After ten years working with a company, being demoted and much injustice, her career was in shambles. And the breaking seemed too much. But God had promised. Never will I leave you. And out of the blue she received a call of apology and a vote of confidence. Manager. The word she'd been longing to hear but knew she never would. Pack your bags. It's a new season. You will be a manager.

So today I celebrate the mile high boxes and new season of hope for my "Bekah Boom". Few things are better than celebrating with the one who's wept with you, believed with you and held on with you through the storms. Today the sun is breaking through, and I am filled with joy for God's promises made visible.

Starving Dragons*

2011-08-30T20:43:00.006-04:00

In our home we live with a hundred students and, despite our no pet policy, an equal number of dragons. Specifically in our home there are three. One in a tiny cave with blonde hair, one in a puny sort of structure and the other in a manly, bear-skinned rug sort of space.

Most days I meet and greet others and from all appearances assume their small dragons are fast asleep deep in the recesses of the darkness. But on days like yesterday and the one before and the one before that, I secretly find solace in knowing that everyone has a dragon of some size lurking inside. This thinking comforts me when my dragon is very much awake and ready to breath fire in exchange for breakfast.

It happens quickly most times. All is well. Thoughts in check. And then someone hurts me or annoys me or threatens to deny me of what I think I deserve, and before I even realize it the dragon rouses, hungry. Very little stops a hungry dragon. And like so many times before, the fire starts bellowing. It escapes sometimes through gossip or evil glares or blow-ups. And then I've done it. I've thrown meat to the ravenous animal and appeased him yet again. But worse still, sometimes it doesn't escape and self-hatred or bitterness sets in as a sort of vitamin-fortified beef jerky to sustain and grow the beast bigger still.

The effects of a hungry dragon can for a while go undetected. We learn and we hide them. Often on any given Sunday among the polished and seemingly perfect, I sit convinced that they never have bad attitudes, days filled with crying and sleeping, and surely not days where they blame their Maker. Because I never see in them the rawness of a dragon fully enraged. Maybe they've starved them to extinction? Or maybe they've designed some clever canisters to encase their smoke screens?

Yesterday I had a lesson on the dragons in our home. I laughed at the ridiculous behaviors they induce when Levi began spinning in a circle with his head throw back to the ceiling until he collapsed in the floor in an utter leg-kicking fit. All because he couldn't have chewing gum. Those dragons.

But in our house we have a manual about taking care of them. In my manual readings, I find two types of instructions. Surrender oneself to The Dragon Tamer and follow the Tamer's lessons in creature starvation. Those dragons can shrink you know.

Even on days when the smoke fills our eyeballs or causes us to spin in circles, we have faith that denying them meat and most certainly jerky will lead to shrinking. And someday, hopefully, to a glorious extinction.

So we're hopeful. Smoke will billow sometimes. Things will wake the creatures. But we can be incredible pet owners. And having hired our very own Dragon Tamer, we're in the midst of lessons in starvation.

*A popular dragon name we hear often is Sin Nature.

The School of Men

2011-08-24T21:45:00.008-04:00

I grew up an only child with girl cousins as sibling surrogates. Rarely did I ever have a peek into the heart and perspective of a man. Granted, now I've had six years of intense man schooling and a few elective courses on mini men through nannying and now mommying. But to this day, guys still perplex me.

I spent the weekend with three minis and one fully grown. I watched about forty half-dressed collegiate men run from the bushes with sticks and war paint at a recent soccer game, and I spent some time with four guys, a sword and a daggar. What makes guys come alive can be so much different that girls. And, sometimes, I've noticed, it can be the same.

Tonight while typing I can hear voices through the closed door to our living room. A group of men are meeting to study and pray. They pray to be stronger leaders and better men.

I've been scrambling to take down notes this week. Being married and a mom means there are pop quizzes all the time. While I don't have the subject even close to mastered, I'm doing my homework. And this week class has been all but boring.

Yearly Forecast

2011-08-15T00:26:00.000-04:00

Male voices bellowed up the stairwell Friday, "party in the lobby." An unplanned flash mob soon appeared and performed synchronized moves. Such a fun group!

Today is Sunday and our silent lobby now constantly rings of ping, pong, ping and of voices making introductions, of girls laughing nervously and of those playing it cool like they've got this whole college thing figured out. In the middle of it all is a little boy squealing with delight. He likes the change and the attention.

The air is filled with promise making our fifth year more exciting than ever. Resident Assistant training with all of the food prep and teaching went smoothly. Team unity emerged and even a growing sense of family as we attended a Hillsong United concert in the week where some moments we half expected Jesus to descend through the ceiling.

We'll have a lot to share this year from a host of awesome people. Below are our photos for the year's Angry Birds theme. Someone had to be the evil pigs so we volunteered. Notice that cute little piglet in the corner.

The time now is 11:57 pm. It's after quiet hours but far from bedtime for most. Chairs scrape the floor above us, people laugh outside our door and the ping, pong is ever steady. Some have expressed sympathy for our family living in a small apartment in a college dorm made up mostly of freshmen. But five years into this thing, we're awed by the incredible position we find ourselves in. There are beautiful possibilities here and this year we're looking to make the most of every single God-given one.

We're calling it. It's gonna be a good, good year!

2011-08-05T15:15:00.012-04:00

If this is your first time reading our faith story, please start from the beginning by selecting our Walking by Faith tab in the left column and read through to the present.

Months and months ago we got a call. I was surprisingly calm and surrendered. An adoption agency had somehow approved us to adopt from India even though we didn't meet the age requirements. Thirty is the minimum. Jason is twenty-seven.

But the agency was small and pricey. And the website, we'll be honest, was a little sketchy. Add to this the issue of adopting before the age requirements and we landed at an uneasy place. As we sought God, we felt Him say "wait" followed by a nudge to pursue fostering and possible adoption through DSS. We were ready and willing. And we were equally excited that during the praying, Jason felt God confirm in his heart our daughter from India and felt an urgency to pray for her.

Our DSS process began with everyone approving us even though we live in a dorm. An amazing DSS worker confirmed the need for loving foster families. The poking and prodding, read exorbitant amounts of money, left us with three pieces of paper to satisfy the authorities, "they're healthy as horses." And now our latest welcome-to-foster-care adventure has been replacing a window for our old dormitory bedroom. Not as easy as our initial speculations.

To date, these have been our steps.

But three months ago when we were in the throws of making decisions about work and adopting and fostering, I prayed asking for direction. And God spoke.

"Wait three more..."

Three more months, God? Three more years? Three more what, God?

"Wait three more."

When it comes to waiting don't we all hope for the shorter option? And this time my spirit sensed he did indeed mean months. So I counted forward. May to June. June to July. July to August. Something in August. And so, I told Jason and we waited not knowing what we were exactly waiting for.

Today is August 5th. And it is the day, a least in part, that we've been waiting for.

In August the Indian authorities released updated information on their adoption requirements. And now, in what we see as a complete miracle, you must be between twenty-five to fifty-five years old to adopt from India.

TWENTY-FIVE!

I had to read the words and call an adoption agency to convince myself my eyes were working. But, according to an incredibly reputable agency, the age requirement has changed. And in August.

So what does this mean for us? We're asking the same questions. We can't pretend we know where she is. America? India? Or that we have the bedroom space we need to be approved, but we know that one huge obstacle has been removed should she be in India.

We wanted to include you in the beautiful miracle God gave us today and ask for continued prayers as we travel this road to find and bring home our sweet girl.

Thanks for journeying and believing with us. We'll keep you posted.

Notable Quotes

2011-07-24T22:38:00.004-04:00

Oh, Colorado pictures. Will they ever come?

Three kids under two, four days and two dear friends later, just have time for a quick word.

Today brought some great quotes our way. Thought you might enjoy.

Everything's better with hummus.

Heard at an Israeli restaurant today. Beets, there might be hope for you.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that firefighters use water.

Seen on a real estate sign. Already had an attitude check just remembering this quote.

If you have extra time and want to read some encouraging words about kids finding families and hope (couldn't we all use some encouraging words about kids being nurtured!), check out a new blog favorite.

Happy reading and firefighting.

Food for Thought

2011-07-19T22:41:00.003-04:00

Sunday night we swooped back in from our separate points on the map: pristine Colorado and so-southern Alabama. It's incredible to get away to luxurious hotels and have maids fluff your pillows every day. Not to mention getting to spend time with some amazing people. But I realized while there and when returning that something in me just isn't right with that sort of living. My thoughts are often so sobering. Does anyone else have this phenomena? They are constant thoughts that won't let my heart rest. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to rebel against the natural just for rebellion's sake but I do want purposeful living. So here are a few of the very real questions I have constantly with a few thrown in to slightly alter the intensity scale.

Is it possible for a kid's birthday party to celebrate the life and still foster generosity? Or, can they only be "bring the biggest, best presents and lots of them because I deserve everything" kind of parties without thought of others who have nothing?

If I would manage to quit spending my time trying to figure out the latest technology and fashions, what sort of productive things could fill my waking hours and have impact that would last past the next season into eternity?

Can I ever teach Levi what sound an elephant makes? Any attempt sounds like a bad car horn at best. Answer: No. Elephants, in our home, don't make noise. And that's right along with zebras and alligators and a host of others.

If a man on crutches and a woman approach a door at the same time, who should open the door?

When will I learn to stop wishing to love people well across the ocean and start doing it for the people right around me?

What is the balance of saving and planning and yet recklessly following God with abandon? Is there a balance? Am I sometimes an American Christian yet not a Biblical Christian?

How can I shop today and eat, for that matter, knowing that an estimated 10 million people have been affected in east Africa by the worst drought in more than half a century? Why has this torn my heart apart so much? What can I do?

But just to look at me you'd never know these questions are constantly swirling. Because we had an incredible time in Alabama at a conference and with family. And Jason in Colorado. (His pictures are much more incredible than mine and are coming soon.) We had fun. We spent money. We visited the nursing home where my aunt lives and we faced death at every door. And, the calling to purposefully living got even stronger.

So how do I answer these hard questions and harder still, how do I implement them in my daily comings and goings? Perhaps when I have answers I'll share them here or if you have the answers you can share. Until then they will be my constant cud that I sometimes divulge.

Thanks for caring to listen to my sharing...even the intense parts.

Pressing In, Here

2011-07-10T22:52:00.012-04:00

Last Sunday night, about this time, we slipped our feet under the covers feeling both relieved and revived from the five miles that took us far from people and up close to God's fingerprints.

We spent a majority of this week at home in the good place of catching up, cooking, napping and picnicking.

Levi helped out with some work too. That was while he wasn't playing with his new favorite toy, a milk carton, and strewing things throughout the house.

We tuned in to some great teaching here, danced around to Hillsong here, were challenged in our parenting here, and then we cooked some more to welcome soon-to-be family member Justine and her family here {where we live}.

Then the weekend came. With tragic news of Jason's childhood friend losing his life prematurely, the excitement of both the past and coming week has been overshadowed with a lot of silence and heaviness. And here we are thankful to know of a gracious Father, a selfless Son and an ever-present Holy Spirit that asks us to press in to Him both now and in the coming days when He will ask us to actively give an account of the precious hope that we have so that others might hope as well.

So tonight we pack the bags quietly and print the tickets solemnly as Jason prepares for his long-awaited brother bonding trip to the Rockies. When younger brother Travis graduated from college and Jason found out about an opportunity to reconnect at Kingdom Building Ministries, the decision was made to speak into his brother's life by stepping on a plane and heading West. So tomorrow the official speaking begins accompanied by a whole lot of fun. And while he's there, the wife and wee one will take a trip of their own. Pictures and tweets to come.

But for tonight, we'll slip our feet under the covers feeling not as tired in body but heavier in spirit from the week behind as we walk into the week ahead. Thanks for joining us, here. Hope your week is filled with renewal and much pressing in.

The Seven Wonders

2011-07-02T22:18:00.014-04:00

This list we've been compiling mentally during Levi's toddling around the house and campus. Most days, you'll find him enjoying these activities. So, in no particular order, please enjoy the Seven Wonders of Levi's World.

Paci
{Even sans monkey, he's still in love. But the day monkey parted ways with paci was a sad, sad day.}

Food
{Among his favorites: fruit, fruit and more fruit.}

Swings
{And just yesterday he sat all on his own!}

Baths
{Sorry, we saved the world's cutest 'cheeks' for our viewing only.}

Messes
{He's a professional at this.}

Remote Controls
{Every house we enter he scouts out this popular item.}

Keys

Not making the top seven but trailing closely behind were sticks, an iPod shuffle container, phones and dirt (especially that surrounding our houseplants).

And the theme of every wonder is the greatest God-made wonder of our world: Master Levi.

Treasures

2011-06-30T20:39:00.003-04:00

We've been having lots of moments with Levi lately.

Like last night when we pointed to a tiger picture and he began entertaining a crowd with his tiger noises.

Or, his little fingers clutching pieces of food he wants to share with us. He is a treasure.

While we work to get those videos and pictures ready for posting, we hope you can enjoy some pictures of a little girl who just came home from Ethiopia. We don't personally know the family but have followed this beautiful journey as they adopted an older girl making her the sixth child in the family. It encouraged us so much we thought we'd share with you!

You can read more from their family here.

Healing Out of Intimacy

2011-06-24T21:52:00.002-04:00

Interesting title, huh? We've been diving into summer reading lately and while Jason's world is being shaken by the Word and Radical by David Platt mine is growing in part from Youtube videos and extended prayer times. Last night the only way I could bring myself to do a stack of dishes was to be learning something online in the process. So I chose Bill Johnson's sermon titled Healing Out of Intimacy. God spoke so deeply through it I had to share. Buckle your seat belts and breathe a prayer for the Holy Spirit to have you all...

My Summer Vacation by Levi

2011-06-21T09:24:00.021-04:00

When Mom and Dad say we’re going to Georgia it means we drive forever. And I get antsy. But at the end of the long, straight roads, my family will be waiting with lots of fun. Like swinging with Grandpa. Following Grammy. Seeing my first snake in the woods and watching the action.

Being with family and getting all of the attention.

Getting to see Cousin Jacob and cheering on my first baseball game.

Seeing Mom be so silly with Aunt Brooke...

and being decidedly silly myself

then getting caught in the middle.

And, there was the beach where I finally learning to like the waves.

What a great time l had! I decided the long roads down to Georgia aren’t so bad after all and that they'd be a lot more interesting if Mom and Dad would bring along that rattlesnake next time.

The Deep South

2011-06-18T23:27:00.004-04:00

Hello from the smokey, southern state of Georgia. We've been down for the week
visiting family where wild fires have been burning around us covering the entire area with smoke and ash. This morning we ventured out in the smoke for Levi's first official beach trip. Pictures to come along with crazy cousin photos and other highlights.

Now I Live to Bring...

2011-06-13T00:04:00.003-04:00

Encouragement and challenges today have come through the voice and words of others. That is why I'll share a few dribblings of these thoughts in hopes that they will also continue to be passed on and bear fruit in all of our lives.

Today in worship I sang the words,

"There is no one else for me. None but Jesus.
Crucified to set me free. Now I live to bring Him praise."

I raised my hands high on the line about freedom because that's what God has been doing in my life. Bringing freedom. But when the next line came, I hung my head a little bit and pulled my arms down lower. It's easy to sing about wanting to bring him praise. But on the inside of my beating chest, is my drive to bring him glory? Did last week's decision not to celebrate a birthday with someone lonely hurt his heart and stifle his voice in my life? Did me not leaving money for the family that has scraps left in their cupboard bless his heart? Did I live abandoned to his voice this past week? I know my answers. My heart sees today that my actions and motives must be different for his glory. And the words this afternoon from this blog post called me action. NOW is the time to live to bring him praise.

The sermon today was about loving God supremely. Meaning, NO other gods. How those little devils can be tricky and so disguised that I never even notice they are there taking first place. The lessons continued in the evening watching Bill Johnson on iBethel TV, {dare you to check out Bethel} as he spoke about the fear of man driving us versus the fear of God. You can watch it here. I was encouraged and challenged by words about God wanting to free me from this fear of man to bring me into full freedom to live to bring him glory.

All day the call to more has come accompanied by practical steps. Like puzzle pieces. And I'm left knowing, there's a lesson here.

His glory alone.

NO other gods.

My freedom.

God's opinion, not man's

Then I will be able to sing with arms raised, "Now I live to bring you praise."

May that be true of my life {our lives} this month, June 2011, and the fruit of praise be evident.

Mr. and Mrs.

2011-06-06T22:33:00.003-04:00

Oiy, it's been eleven days since the long-awaited announcement. When Matt Tegen, the oldest of the Tegen three, moved to Haiti on the remote island of LaGonave, never could he have anticipated a beautiful, young, single girl would live doors down from him. And the beautiful thing, neither could she have imagined him.

So last Thursday on a mountain in North Carolina, he asked her to spend forever behind his door, under his roof. And she excitedly said yes!

Congratulations, Matt and Justine! We are in awe of God's good gift of you for each other!

Tally-ho

2011-06-02T22:54:00.014-04:00

May ended so quickly. I look around to realize almost a month has passed and the window for enjoying summer and accomplishing a long wish list is getting smaller. So while the wishing is getting bigger, the time is getting shorter. I'm still hoping to make time to help Levi dig his toes into a sandy beach, finally learn to really cook (half check on accomplishing that), get exercise consistently (my husband's favorite), drink green tea and like it, finish our family photo books. To write a children's book for Levi, learn to work my fancy camera, pray through about a few things, add some of these to our house (but hopefully for a lot less than $34 each). And get together with lots of other couples. Among other things. So it's now or never. Tally-ho. (Such a fun word with even a bit of history in India, according to Wikipedia. No wonder I like it so much.)

Hope your wishing is being accomplished with doing...and mingled in it all is time to "be still and know" and enjoy doing nothing with those you love most.

Tally-ho! A whole summer awaits!

2011-05-28T09:31:00.001-04:00

Home Sweet Dormitory

2011-05-24T23:04:00.017-04:00

It's quiet inside our five story chateau. Except for weekdays when maintenance men are rearranging furniture above our heads or hitting the lobby for more chemicals to add a fresh layer of shine to the floors. And there's always the fire alarm tests that happen to be scheduled for Levi's nap time. But somehow our little champion slept right through them. Strobe lights and all. It's his mama's genes.

We're grateful to be back between weekend travels and caught up in a week where every night has been full to the brim. And tonight, Thursday, is no exception. As I type the Tegen family is welcoming a new member a few miles away and a very feverish toddler sleeps in my arms. More on the new member to come and an update accompanied by an exciting video once our boy is feeling better.

Summit Thoughts

2011-05-16T15:27:00.003-04:00

I have two sleeping boys (one who is in a whole lot of pain after having his wisdom teeth removed this morning) and a minute to update you and shoot some emails out. As mentioned yesterday, a post of my thoughts from the Summit is up at
the Caroline's Promise blog. In it I share about one of the most precious dreams I have ever dreamed. You can read about it here.

Hope your Monday is going well! Looking forward to some time to love on my boys and get some creamy-potato-nourishment in them when they wake.

Orphan Summit, Milestones and Wisdom...Teeth

2011-05-15T23:08:00.004-04:00

Saturday in the early morning we pulled in from Kentucky and an amazing, power-packed conference. I'll be sharing lots of thoughts on the Summit over at the Caroline's Promise blog. As soon as the post is up I'll share the link here.

And for Levi's haircut, three days away and a new haircut have us feeling like he's all grown up. But tonight my heart was comforted rocking him and giving him his warm bottle of milk. Here's the promised video of his haircut from last Sunday.

Tomorrow we head to an oral surgeon where Jason will have three wisdom teeth removed. One is halfway in with a cavity. Bummer. One is hiding below the surface and will have to be cut out. And the third is below the surface with a tumor growing underneath. Double bummer. But somehow, every time we share that tidbit of info we can't help but chuckle. He'll have quite the wisdom tooth tale.

We'll tweet tomorrow to keep you posted on the surgery's progress. Not sure we can promise any pictures though. Puffy cheeks are not popular these days. :)

Mother's Day and Milestones

2011-05-08T23:08:00.003-04:00

"You'll understand when you're a parent." I've thought about this all-too-familiar phrase a lot in this past year.

Now I think I do. Understand it, I mean. A whole new level of love and purpose filled me when our wee one burst into the world last Easter. And he has made me appreciate mine and Jason's parents so much more. What a significant job parents have taking an impressionable, helpless infant from the hospital and seeing them become a self-sufficient, healthy, contributing member of society approximately eighteen years later. Talk about needing a game plan.

So celebrating this second mother's day I reveled in the beauty and got one of the best presents a mom could ask for: a picnic, an exciting new book and...a mullet-free one year old. Video of the event to come this week!

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-04T15:20:00.003-04:00

Today Levi turns thirteen months. In our downloading of videos and pictures we can see the changes that often go unnoticed from day to day like these milestones from eleven months. Very soon we believe we'll be able to share thirteen month clips of a walking toddler. But for now, these are some of the tricks he's still mastering.

2011-04-23T13:45:00.006-04:00

"Life is heavy," Jason whispered before going to bed Monday night. And it has been this week.

So many friends and family around us are walking through hard places, and our hearts have visited the valley with them. Maybe that's why this Easter more than usual we sense the heaviness and magnitude of what happened. Almost as if it's currently taking place. We reflected Thursday night after a passover meal at how Jesus could even think of eating knowing what was ahead. Or even stand to his feet under the weight? Because our heaviness this week has been almost crippling but still such a far cry from the weight of the sins of the world and the subsequent mockery, betrayal and crucifixion.

At one o'clock yesterday I wept. During the two o'clock hour a sense of heaviness settled in and since three a mixture of relief and sorrow has been left behind. The grief those followers went through. And His mother. Oh, His mother....

Today at a railroad festival where people bustled all around, my heart was quiet and extremely sad. Because I'm waiting in the silence and mourning yesterday's loss. "Tomorrow," I said to myself. "There will be Hope, tomorrow."

I've been learning a lot about having faith in the waiting and trusting the will of God. While He still whispers India now and again, it's clear that now is not the time. And while He led me to a new friend who is hearing the same whispers of India with no idea why, He asks us both to wait and hold this sacred word in our open hands. Really in all of my interest in that country and calling adoption agencies and stalking, I mean befriending, an Indian lady that works in Walmart, I am being very challenged in the waiting. It's not about a country or some supernatural sign. It's all about a Creator who longs that every man, woman, boy and girl know about this story that's unfolding tonight...and, in the beautiful sun-filled morning. It's about Hope for every man.

We would be honored to raise a little girl from that country and tell her all about this extravagant Savior. And we will praise Him if He brings her. But this surrendered heart is also learning to say, "we will praise Him even if He doesn't."

For tonight I wait and trust because I know the next part of Christ's story. And without a clue to our own story's next chapter, we will be filled with hope as long as the Redeemer who greets us tomorrow is in it's pages. So come quickly morning. Our story, everyone's story, rests on your light revealing an empty grave.

Sunday Night Live

2011-04-17T23:49:00.005-04:00

It's a catch-22. {That's my phrase of the day.} The day of rest that finds me napping the afternoon away and not sleepy at 12 a.m. leaving me tired the day after. Ah, Sundays!

I've spent a good deal of time thinking, and reading, and baking, and wrangling a one-year-old and have decided the business of dying to oneself is a nasty one. To put the needs of others first, to not get sleep, to purpose to not always be the one at argument's end demanding the apology, to lay down frustrations with others and simply forgive. It's tough. And more, to lay down hopes of future timelines and simply live presently holding everything with open hands. I'm real bad at it. But fumbling along this journey of dying and living and living and dying, there is great beauty.

Today, Sunday, I wanted to shout from the rooftops in the church service. The freedom, oh the freedom, I am finding in God as my Father, my Savior and my life-giving Spirit. It's great to enjoy the sweetness. But sweetness must always be balanced with a hearty solid. Where it's missing a sugar overload and crash is soon to follow.

But the truth for me, and maybe for you, is that God's meat sometimes is really tough to swallow. I don't want to give up dreams. I want to cling with all my might and pout until I get them. Isn't my way best, after all?

Yet herein lies the most beautiful catch-22.

When we die to our desires giving way to God's and even go through painful agony in so doing, we emerge more deeply alive. And, I have found, greater satisfied. The mingling of sweet with salty and salty with sweet. Where would the living be apart from the dying?

Oh that you and I might choose to fully live.

1 “Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”

Isaiah 55:1-13

College Life

2011-04-16T23:48:00.002-04:00

You never know what you'll get living in a college dorm. Bloody limbs, grown men in footie pajamas, killer bats, meaningful conversations...to name a few.

Recently on a trip with our resident assistants, we kept it entertaining and worked with what we had...our family van. And this is what it looked like.

Note: Levi was tucked snuggly in bed with a sitter...and lucky for him.

One Year

2011-04-15T16:56:00.007-04:00

This was the Tegen family on April 2010.

And this was us April 2011.

A lot can happen in a year. Like losing fourty-five pounds and gaining an energy-filled, life-loving, still-not-sleeping-through-the-night one-year-old.

To celebrate a year of life for our sweet Levi, we included college students and family in the celebration.

Cupcakes with cream cheese frosting accompanied the afternoon celebration with our college friends followed an evening of toddler-friendly food with family and presents. Thanks Mom Harrell for all of the cupcakes and birthday cakes!

And this is what he thought of it.

While he didn't enjoy his hands in cake, he loved his mouth filled with it!

Happy first birthday, Levi!

In the Land of the Living

2011-04-12T13:25:00.002-04:00

Now that the dust is settling around us from our baby turning one, the big Engage event taking place and family traveling home, my mind can wander back to blogs and emails and living life.

For those who prayed for us last Friday night, thank you! Your prayers were answered in beautiful ways. As people follow up with me from the event I've been amazed at how touched and moved to action many were. That did not come out of the stations we had planned. That came because God's Spirit worked in people. Thank you for asking with us that He would be evident and at work. More than 60 people joined us to engage on behalf of orphans and many of those walked away choosing to engage in one way or another.

So to kick off a week of blog posts from this Thursday to next, enjoy a snapshot from the event until tomorrow.

The Countdown

2011-04-04T00:35:00.002-04:00

The reason I totally missed sharing about turning 31 and have yet to share the latest "Walking by Faith" post and still have not posted Levi's milestones and a great clown car video is because of the countdown.

In four days people will converge on a local Baptist church to be engaged on behalf of orphans and if this girl typing doesn't keep organizing and copying and painting and praying and planning, there will be no event. So that's where I've been and where I am.

If you're reading this...here's the opportunity... Pray me through these next four days and I'll be sure to come back with some great God-sized stories and some random moments thrown in for kicks.

So pray fervently with me for God's spirit to permeate that Baptist church on April 8th and for God to draw people to HIs heart. And if you wouldn't mind throwing in a few pleas for wisdom in speaking, wisdom in leading and wisdom in executing I'd be real, real grateful.

*I do promise to be back later today, however, to share a picture or two of our birthday boy. Happy, happy first year Levi!!*

Extravagant Loving

2011-03-09T13:27:00.004-05:00

There are so many posts that haven't been written these last six months or so. I've been afraid the only thing coming out would be the deep rumblings of a weary soul. I have been living the fact lately that God never calls us to the easy. Being one who is all for transparency and honest struggling, I'm learning that sometimes the filter should stay in place and protect the deep parts of our heart that only a Savior should hear. Wednesday I discovered He has been hearing and the answers are words my heart has been aching to know.

Surrounded by strange faces, I went to a house church hungry to worship. And, let me be real, because my interest was peeked when prophesying was mentioned. Who wouldn't like a little insight now and again? I need more than a cafeteria fortune cookie.

And Wednesday, I got more.

There was no mention of India, no strong rebuke for my lack of loving girls well in our dorm, and no revelation of how much longer we'll be where we are.

There was only love.

How is it that God doesn't weary of my complaining or lack of obedience? That oceans and oceans of love spill from His pages and His hand is so gentle? Have I somehow won the golden ticket for preferential treatment?

No. He has this for all.

God is love. Wednesday the love came through prophesy into a time of deep heart-heaviness and finally I deeply understood the meaning of the verse, "we love because He first loved us."

When loving isn't romantic and is absolutely undeserved, He loves.

Ever-so-gently, God spoke words that shocked me with their love factor. Then I realized. The only words I've ever known from Him are words that breathe life and reveal His view of me. So Wednesday the words spoke more deeply to my heart than "I love you" ever could. "Nothing has been wasted," He said. And so much more.

While learning, I stumbled across this video from one of my favorite blogs. Really never been a Third Day fan, but... this might just be the day...

We love because He first loved us, and I am being blown away by such extravagant loving.

More Than Words

2011-03-01T10:16:00.001-05:00

The conviction keeps hounding me about the significance of my words. It shows up in my quiet time, in promises I remember I didn't keep, in family time and, most recently, in the Sunday service.

Spring Break started this weekend and my last post promised that when we had some down time I'd upload pictures. So after spending the weekend away celebrating six years beside my tangible, most incredible, answer to prayer (Jason), I have what might slightly resemble "some down time."

And so, let the pictures scroll...and my word be kept. :)

A Quick Hello

2011-02-17T21:44:00.005-05:00

Stopping by for a minute to say hello in the midst of a dozen open windows on my computer screen each with letters, designs, and write-ups calling my name. (We have a big event coming up for Caroline's Promise in April.) Add to the mix a crawling blondie who is now melting my heart babbling "ma-ma" and getting into everything and anything. We've already had a terrible shiner on his right eye complete with blood and bruising and everything. I took my eye off of him for one minute....

Also, I wanted to give a very belated thank you if you helped vote for the Kindermusik grant. We won a library for the kids in Guatemala!! Thank you, thank you!

We have lots of pictures to share when we carve out a bit of time. Until then, back to windows...

Build for Free

2011-02-09T15:23:00.000-05:00

Today a free library for needy children hangs in the balance! Visit www.kindermusik.com/legacy/grants and help build a library with only ten clicks. Click "Ideas listed by vote">"Development of Library for inner-city school in Guatemala." No hammer or nails required! :) Today's our last day...so thanks for clicking!

Happy Ten Months!!

2011-02-04T22:38:00.003-05:00

Friday, the fourth, we celebrated ten months with Levi! Enjoy a peek at his latest accomplishments!

The Battle

2011-01-30T00:57:00.001-05:00

I think every time someone becomes a believer we should hand them a sword and say "welcome to the battle." Not to discourage them, but somebody has to warn them.

Or maybe we could hijack their Bibles and highlight all of the verses about warfare and the instructions on being victorious.

Because, spiritual warfare is ridiculous. Goodness knows I wasn't even really aware of it until we went overseas and came back.

I was bragging on God the other day to someone. When I was talking I had this clear sense that the enemy was not happy with the truth I was sharing about freedom in Christ. I mean, freedom to serve him unswervingly is possible. With food, with thoughts, with ambitions. "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I'm continually seeing it in my life. And I'm recently seeing more of the battle too.

When we step out of the boat, it shakes up the darkness. We have to be on guard. Ephesians 6 has been helping me so much these past days as some of the emotional struggles, and lately physical, since stepping out to advocate for the fatherless have been intense. Really, it stirs my heart because it must mean God is at work. Because this four-day-long fever and sickness could be coincidence, but if I could share the awesome Spiritual Emphasis services and how God was stirring hearts to read the Word, pray and live intentionally and the terrible oppression I experienced Tuesday night, it would seem more like an attack.

Yet my heart is encouraged. Caroline's Promise has a huge interactive event coming in April that will confront people with the cry of the orphan and equip them with real ways to make a difference. And although the word isn't out much yet, the excitement is building. We saw it today at an adoption expo.

So, while warfare is not fun, it is reality. And we are not at it alone. Check out your weapons in Ephesians 6 and be clothing yourselves daily. He wants us to have life. Abundant, jubilant-in-any-circumstance kind of life.

If you'd like some encouragement and major challenge for your soul, check out the podcasts of our Spiritual Emphasis here. But consider yourself warned, you'll need your armor when you're done. :)

Pharmatricians and More

2011-01-26T22:25:00.004-05:00

I got a report in my inbox today of our blog visitors. You sweet friends. We've been absent so long...I've actually had a bit of writer's block and the last two posts I composed never made it to you. We'll see how this one goes.

This month we traveled to Alabama to see sick family. On December 28th Jason's great-uncle, Walter Tegen, passed away. He was an incredible artist and servant of his country in his youth. Jason preached his funeral in Alabama.

Mom and Dad went with us to Alabama where Mom's side of the family lives. She stayed behind to take care of my aunt who is in the hospital with blood clots and extremely poor health. We're learning so much about love from my mom.

Before our new semester began, a huge snowstorm hit and closed school for three days. Cousin Bekah was stranded here with us and then as she drove back to Atlanta another friend arrived from Michigan for three days (Azerbaijan originally).

Life was still full after our friends left. Our teething tot couldn't sleep much at night so Jason purchased medicine for him assuring me the "pharmatrician" recommended it. You know, the pharmacist who specializes in children's medicine. :)

And so, we find ourselves at January 26th. Jason just spend today on the slopes of Beech Mountain in North Carolina enjoying time with his brother, just back from Haiti. Really, that's not saying anything about Caroline's Promise which has an exciting event being planned for April. After tomorrow night's meeting we'll share more.

And speaking (or writing) of sharing, we're working on capturing video of what Baby Tegen is up to these days. :)

And finally, nothing on the India front except a growing love. We trust. And wait. In time!

Build a Library for Orphans and At-Risk Children

2011-01-08T12:18:00.000-05:00

Caroline's Promise has applied for a grant to build a library for children in Guatemala where both the children and their parents (for those who have a living parent or care-taker) can learn to read and explore the world through books.

In order to receive the grant, we have to get votes. Each individual can vote up to ten times from now through February 9th.

To begin voting, you can click here and search for our project under "Lisa." Right now we are ahead...help us stay there and provide for the children we sponsor in Guatemala.

Kindermusik Grant Request from Lisa Holbrook on Vimeo.

Thank you for helping reclaim hope for children!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2011-01-01T22:58:00.002-05:00

This is always a busy time. We leave again tomorrow (or today when this is actually getting published) for Alabama. We'll share more about that in a later post but before we head out we have a few pictures to share and an update if you didn't already receive it via Facebook.

Click here for our 2010 update.

Hope your Christmas was wonderful and the new year finds you growing in wisdom, confidence and joy. And maybe not in pants size.

See you back here soon.

{Oh, yes. And thank you to Uncles and Aunts and Cousins Carolyn, Sheldon, Misty, Jacob, Robbie, Crystal, Brooke and Wesley. He's loving everything! Now for the batteries to run out and for quiet again. :) Thank you so much.}

Skis to Snowboard = Soreness

2010-12-21T10:18:00.001-05:00

Jason writing here.

I take pride in what is generally my ability to pick things up or catch onto things quickly. Especially things that are physical in nature. You know, things like sports.

So last night I ventured to Cataloochee ski area with a friend to try my hand at snowboarding. I've skied for years and have progressed to the point where I don't usually fall unless I'm pushing the limits. Maybe one or two light falls per skiing session would be average. In other words I'd forgotten what it was like to learn to ski, which for most people means spending more time eating snow than actually skiing. I'd forgotten what it was like to cover more ground falling that actually skiing down the slope. I see these people every time I go skiing but had lost all empathy for them because, "it's not that hard of a concept, right?"

In my arrogance, over-confidence and faded memory, I strapped the snowboard on, scoffed at the bunny hill, and headed straight for the lift that delivered me to the top of the mountain. I thought, "Snowboarding can't be that difficult - especially for a skier of my ability (arrogance). There's no reason to piddle around on the bunny hill...I'll just go to the top (over-confidence)."
My memory was restored quickly.

Cataloochee's longest slope from the top to the bottom, according to their website, is 1.4 miles. I figure I face-planted and back-flopped down about 1.39 of those miles on that first run. I felt pummeled and beat to a pulp by the time I made it to the bottom.
Humbled, but unwilling to give up so easily, I resorted to the beginners slope for 5-6 more tries. I think I was upright on the snowboard for probably a total of 200 yards all night.

The most embarrassing part event of the night, believe it or not, came not while I was snowboarding, but after I had abandoned the board and put my trusty skis on.
My friend and I were riding the lift that went to the 3/4 drop off point, which I mistakenly thought went to the top of the mountain. We were having nice conversation when in the middle of one of my sentences he just got off the lift?! You would have thought I would have noticed the lift didn't continue any further, but nope, not on this night. This is what happened in the following 2 seconds:

1. I thought, "Why did he get off here? Oh well, I'll just ride to the top and then catch up to him.
2. "Oh shoot, this lift doesn't go to the top..."
3. So I jumped off the lift that was already beginning to make the turn back toward the bottom of the mountain. I fell about 3 feet and found myself tangled in one of those bright orange safety fences they have at ski resorts.

The lift had to be stopped. My friend laughed in confusion. And the ski patrol guy had to help me get untangled from the fence and back on my feet. Yes, I was that guy that made the lift stop on this occasion.

So my status tonight, 24 hours later:

My birdie finger on my left hand is swollen and sore, my neck and back are painfully tight, my inner thighs are screaming, I've battled a headache off and on all day and my pride, confidence and belief in myself to be quick to learn are all shot.

Snowboarding's dumb...but that's not really the point.

My point is that in most hard circumstances there is a good lesson to take. This is no different. Whether it shows itself through compassion toward the foreigner who can't speak English or through understanding when someone doesn't know what you know or through patience for people...I want to have compassion, understanding and patience for the learning curve of others.

It was good for me to try something new last night and fail miserably. Because we humans, as we get older and more hungry for comfort, tend toward only doing and embracing those things we know are safe and those things at which we know we will succeed. Last night wasn't safe and I certainly didn't succeed...but I was reminded again of my own learning curve and challenged to not shy away from, but seek out opportunities to be stretched and to learn.

Sometime over this Christmas holiday try something you have never done or have been scared of or think you will fail at...it may not be fun, but it is good for your perspective...

"Let the wise add to their learning." Proverbs 1:5

2010-12-19T22:38:00.002-05:00

The Latest

2010-12-15T23:42:00.005-05:00

Sometimes it seems appropriate to lump all of the recent happenings into one big update. This is one of those times.

Walking by Faith. Because we are so sure you are checking the blog every day for an update {I humor myself}, we will tell you we haven't been silent just to build suspense. We haven't heard anything. There is an opportunity for us to go to India to learn more about an organization raising up orphans for God's glory, but we still wait to get the email or phone call to give clarity if this is our open door. This trip wouldn't be to necessarily find our daughter but to see India's children and learn more about this interesting organization.

Couple's Retreat. We made it back from a few days in the mountains with five other couples and Levi. Here are a few of our favorite pics.

Ski Rewards. Wednesday we went to the mountains to make a dream come true. Every day Jason visits the websites of the ski resorts in NC. And the day before yesterday he was there to check out the conditions for himself as he skiied down many slopes including a double black diamond.

Caroline's Promise. We have just awarded a grant to assist a family in bringing a little girl home from across the ocean. It is an amazing thing to be take part in. Next week we'll share a picture of the family and their incredible story. If you'd like to stay updated on what's going on, email me {ktegen@carolinespromise.net} and I'll add you to our monthly emails!

Return from Haiti. We've been slack at keeping you updated on Jason's brother Matt in Haiti and now, today, he returns for good after his year and a half long work. We'll share pictures of the welcome back party.

Where's T?

2010-12-08T22:54:00.006-05:00

Sometimes we play the game here at school of finding Levi among the students. They've all gone now for Christmas break, but we thought we'd let you in on the fun from just before they left. It's sort of like our own, personalized, version of Where's Waldo.

November

2010-12-05T09:31:00.000-05:00

Enjoy some of our favorite November moments in pictures.

Eight Months

2010-12-04T23:39:00.008-05:00

Happy eight months, Levi T.

If you look closely you can see two little teeth peeking through those bottom gums!

2010-11-23T23:00:00.008-05:00

Ever since we shared the story of India and our little girl, we thought things would be silent for a long time as we waited, prayed and wondered. But in the time since we shared, things have not been quiet. Around Thanksgiving we thought we had found her then learned the little girl had a family in the process of adopting.

Since then bigger things seem to be happening which would bring us in direct contact with Indian orphanages. We appreciate you joining us in prayer as things begin to unfold in the coming weeks.

We will update as we can.

2010-11-17T22:13:00.004-05:00

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families. Psalm 68:5-6a

That was all a year and a half ago.

India requires parents to be 30. Jason just turned 27. The agencies we've looked at are temporarily closing their Indian adoptions.

Waiting is hard. Especially for an undefined time for a child of promise. Is this how Abraham felt when things looked so impossible and the promise came long before? When he was the only one who heard? Did he hear clearly? He must have wondered it. I hope he did because I have. Over and again.

But Hershey's Orphan Summit encouraged me that true faith is walking out what we believe even before we see it. That is the essence of faith, and that is why you are reading this post. Each post has been a step. I believe. We, Jason and I, believe. We invite you to believe with us as we wait and pray.

For her protection.

For her to know a family is waiting, wanting her.

And we are thankful that the time has not been completely silent. Often, in the mundane moments of life when my mind is caught up in mindless tasks, God whispers.

India.

It's happened more than I can count. And often, when I am out, I see visible reminders. God has even given a name for her. A name, that turns out, is a very popular Indian name.

Today, I told Levi about his sister because, I believe. And I wait.

Thank you for waiting and believing with us.

2010-11-17T00:09:00.003-05:00

The weeks and months that followed were incredible. I tried to believe it was just because India was in my head. Coincidences, I told myself. Like attending an International festival with the flag of India right in front of us as we walked up. Or like the conversation I was having with some girls when I looked up to see the flag of India hanging above us. Coincidences, you know.

But the “coincidences” turned into more.

I got a picture message at work one day of a man holding a little child. The child? Indian, it seemed. The man? The number? No clue, and he wouldn’t talk to me when I asked.

While reading my devotions, in Leviticus of all places, I distinctly thought I saw the word India. Now, I’m losing it, I thought. But India hadn’t even been on my mind that day. Then, again, it was as if India was written in the paragraph. But when I searched back through the letters, no India.

This was getting ridiculous. So I dismissed it.

Then, that night, something happened. Something more than thinking, more than coincidence and more than anything I could dismiss away.

{Up until this point you have been reading so excitedly.
These next words, I would think, might cause you
to question my sanity or at least my level of drama. But
remember with me that I serve the Creator of the Universe.
He’s incredible at writing stories.}

That night I picked up a book I was anxious to read: Fields of the Fatherless by Tom Davis. Between laundry and conversations, I soaked in the pages. It was about Russia and one man and life-change because of orphans.

I’d only made it two paragraphs in. The intro beckoned me to read more. But I wouldn’t be able to that night because something would stop me in my speed-reading tracks.

I had just read how the trip to Russia would forever change his life. Suddenly, in the clearest split second of my life, time stood still as five letters came up off of the page. Everything behind them blurred.

I n d i a

As quickly as they came, they went back into their assigned places. No, the word India wasn’t written on the page. God wrote it that night for me, and I gasped out loud when He did it. All I could manage was to stutter around to explain to Jason. How does one explain something so supernatural? Something only your eyes beheld? Something you know no one else could really believe unless they saw it themselves?

{To be concluded...or begun...tomorrow...}

2010-11-15T22:11:00.003-05:00

I have trouble having confidence that I’ve heard God and not just myself. That was the case in 2009 and, really, still is the case most of the time.

Late one night I was awake reading a book about God speaking through visions and dreams. So discouraged with my inability to distinguish God’s voice, I begged God that night to help me. I begged for clarity. I begged for dreams. Actually, I asked for Him to speak to me in dreams, and I tacked on at the end of the prayer, “and please start tonight.” That last line started a more fervent time of prayer that ended with my utter assurance that God would give me a dream that very night. In that I was confident.

It was hard to go to sleep for the excitement. What would He say? I had specifically asked for a dream about the future, about kids, about adoption. Anything to give clarity to our future.

I woke around 3 a.m. No dream. After a trip to the bathroom and a walk back to bed I reminded God that there were several more hours of opportunity.

And then the dream came. One stripe of orange, one of white, one of green and one intricate circle in the middle. India. I’d rarely seen the flag before but that night in the dream it was as if I’d known it forever.

I supposed the dream meant we would adopt from there. All I knew was that my prayer had been answered. Answered with mystery but answered. I whispered prayers of sweet thankfulness.

Then, two weeks later another dream came. This time unsolicited and much clearer.

I stood in an orphanage that was on fire. Starring for an infinitely long time at a Greek Orthodox church in the distance, the workers asked me to stay with the children while the fire was controlled. As I stepped in the room, God called to me in the clearest voice:

“Look for her, she’s here.”

I just knew. No lack of confidence. No questioning if my voice or His. He meant a little Indian girl sat somewhere in that room. And she had been set apart for me. My eyes scanned the room. There were lots waiting. But I searched every face for her dark skin and beautiful brown eyes.

Then, as I stepped close to the door, I saw her. She was sitting with a child in her lap at what looked like an old cafeteria table. She had been looking at me the whole time waiting for me to lock eyes with her. Her hair was short and black and her face beautiful. But it was her eyes that I noted the most.

Her eyes said, “Finally, Mama. I’ve been waiting so long for you.” She was absolutely beaming.

And then as clearly as His voice spoke, I knew. She would be older than I ever thought we would adopt. She was seven or eight.

I stepped through the door, and I was awake.

The weeks and months that followed were incredible.

{To be continued tomorrow....}

2010-11-14T22:57:00.002-05:00

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
1 Corinthians 13:12

Walking by faith is a learned behavior. It doesn’t come naturally, at least in my experience. I’ve had more than my share of experiences to point me to trust God. When I was young I prayed for five little drowned kittens to come back to life. And one by one, they did. When I was struggling through the teen years, I prayed for a sign that, indeed, God could hear my whispered prayers. And my sign, minutes later, was a t-shirt worn by a grocery store clerk that read: “If you are looking for a sign from God, here it is.” A hand was signing I love you below those words.

And I have discovered in thirty years that

God

loves

me

.

And just as mysteriously, He can hear my prayers even when they’re just whispers in my head. I’m baffled by it when I stop to think. But this beautiful mystery of prayer and power often has me apologizing to God for not valuing it more. After all I’ve seen. After all I know. My prayer-less-ness has to be a sin.

Jason and I have a pile of rocks in our bedroom. They are our visible reminders of the miracles we’ve personally seen God do as He “draws [us] to Himself.” The miracle of complete healing I experienced after eight years of sickness and medication. The miracle of us, Jason and Kelley. Because of the specific prayer I prayed one Valentine’s night, Jason’s life was different. “God, cause my future husband to get out of any bad relationships. Cause him to fall in love with you devoting himself fully before we meet.” That night, as I prayed, a 2 1/2 year relationship ended by phone for Jason. That summer God called him to full surrender and his senior year he grew and grew and loved God deeply. Then, we met. The awesome love of God who hears our whispers.

As I sit and think of these and COUNTLESS more, I am in awe of God and my faith swells. I see clearer through this “dark glass” and I trust more.

Yet after all I have seen, I still have trouble trusting at times. So as I sat at the orphan summit in Hershey, I was reminded of another prayer and another answer and another opportunity to walk by faith.

Let me begin in the Spring of 2009...

{Continued tomorrow...}

For Now

2010-11-11T22:50:00.003-05:00

There is much to say after our first flight with a baby, first orphan summit, first trip to Hershey and other details of life at home, but it's Thursday and this has been a hard, busy week. For now, here's a highlight from the day.

Beginning November

2010-11-05T05:14:00.003-04:00

Somehow it's November 5th already and I'm sitting at the computer at 5 a.m. Our morning will be filled with plane rides (Levi's first) to take us to our very first orphan summit. Already this week I've sat overwhelmed by the needs of children as I visited a children's shelter Tuesday. More of that story next post as well as some tidying up around here (our blog) to welcome Fall officially. But for now, we're aiming to be dedicated tweeters of the event so keep visiting.

You can check out the event at the link to the left.

We'll see you soon with lots of things to share.

Ending October {Revised}

2010-10-31T22:44:00.005-04:00

{Now with captions so they make sense. :}

Twenty Seven

2010-10-25T00:01:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we celebrated twenty seven years of survival.

And as you can see, it's something to celebrate! Happy birthday, Jason!

{Pictures of the celebration to come.}

Saturday's Simple Thing

2010-10-16T14:35:00.003-04:00

In our house sneezing causes laughter, sunlight causes sneezing and laughter causes...crying.

Sometimes

2010-10-11T12:49:00.012-04:00

Sometimes I get so discouraged when I fail I forget that if at first I don't succeed I must try, try again.

And sometimes I think about the quote from Steve Deneff this summer: "My fear for you is not that you will fail doing something great. My fear is that you will succeed doing something too small."

Sometimes I want to take a class on just about every subject realizing I know so little about so much.

And sometimes I wish I could have known 10 years ago what I know now.

Sometimes I sneak into Levi's room to watch him sleep. I wish every needy, hungry, neglected child could lay there beside him clean, well fed and cherished.

And sometimes, by God's gracious leading, I quit dreaming and start acting.
http://www.carolinespromise4u.org/about-us/south-carolina/

Sometimes I take for granted the family I have.

And sometimes I hear stories of divorce and children never to be that wake me to my blessed state and break me for those without.

Sometimes I go through a whole day getting little accomplished.

And sometimes I realize spending time with family is accomplishing a lot. And that's where I've been these past few days. Accomplishing a lot. :)

{Misty, maybe you'll forgive me for posting this pic. :)}

Happy Half Birthday

2010-10-04T22:53:00.001-04:00

Little T.,

Did you know you would open parts of our hearts we never knew existed? Have you known how our love for you has us daily in awe of God’s? Can you understand that you make us laugh deeper and sweeter than we’ve ever laughed before? Can you tell that we’d give anything, everything for you?

Can you believe you’ve made it six months? Have we given away the fact that we haven’t known what we’re doing? Are you ready to do some big things? We are! And we’re right here loving every moment. You are pure joy, and we give God incredible praise for you.

Your two Ts

Saturday’s Simple Things On Sunday

2010-10-03T23:12:00.001-04:00

Last Saturday we watched our van drive by filled with students, floaties and streamers. It was homecoming at our school and every year the classes race on floats across a pond. The Freshmen had

floaties, the Sophmores a boat, the Juniors an inflated air mattress and the Seniors barrels. Turns out floaties are not effective for speed. Especially when compared to a boat.

Sixteen Minutes

2010-09-30T20:36:00.003-04:00

Every once in a while you stumble onto something that reverberates deep inside and leaves a lasting impression.

This video is that.

Thank you, Tracy, for sharing.

And in this second part lies a high call for you, man or woman.

Amen.

Webster’s Words: Dedication

2010-09-28T23:41:00.002-04:00

ded·i·ca·tion

noun \ˌde-di-ˈkā-shən\

1: an act or rite of dedicating to a divine being or to a sacred use 2: a devoting or setting aside for a particular purpose

One week ago tonight, in front of friends and family, we dedicated our baby to God’s kingdom work and made a covenant to do our very best to raise him in the full knowledge of God’s great love and sacrifice for him.

It was unconventional: a local retreat center, a Tuesday night, a cook out. But it was incredibly meaningful. And as the generations of Christ followers prayed over this little life, we were grateful for our heritage and so thankful to be entrusted with this boy.

And while talking about being thankful,

we are so thankful our little boy

{drum roll}

slept through the night last night!!

Saturday's Simple Things

2010-09-18T22:41:00.004-04:00

I've been wanting to reflect on simple things that bring joy, and Saturday
seems like a perfect time to start the weekly reflection.

This picture brings lots of smiles to the Tegen family. Since Grandma Tegen couldn't make it to Yosemite, Travis Tegen brought Yosemite to her. I laugh out loud every time I see it.

The Land of a Thousand Sleepless Sons

2010-09-15T16:40:00.005-04:00

First off, kudos to those moms who keep blog posts coming, a spotless house and still manage to look polished. I am not that woman lest you find yourself here under false pretense. Yet somehow I feel drawn to those women thinking their superpowers will trickle through the pixels. There are moments I think it's working. Then I look at my kitchen sink. :)

Little five-month-old Levi is thriving. And Jason and I aren't doing so bad ourselves. Except at night. After getting up about ten times Tuesday night, Levi began sleep training. That means we let him fuss for a while to learn to fall asleep without constant coddling. That also means I creep into his room and watch inconspicuously while he cries a few minutes and looks toward the door. At five months he already knows how to manipulate. And he's so cute it's worked until our desperation overcame his pitiful bottom lip. We're giving it a week then we'll report back.

Until then and some other updates we'll be sharing later, enjoy with me this great picture and video. Have we mentioned we love adoption?!

Lightning Ahlers - My Adoption Story from The Ahlers Family on Vimeo.

Today and Some Yesterdays

2010-08-26T22:29:00.001-04:00

Today we ran from 6 a.m. to now, 9:30 p.m.

We got this beauty that now sits beside the van. Jason believes the manliness of a jeep makes up for what the van lacks. I’m a huge jeep fan so I can’t argue. There’s no seat belt in the back yet but by tomorrow I’m pretty sure one will appear so Levi can ride in style.

Today we also got the best news EVER. Friends who are adopting and needed an absolute miracle in their court case got it. Elated is not even the word! God has been and is faithful as people cried out.

Last week was the first week of school. Welcoming back a full house, we had our first Frifest (Friday Festivity). Tie-dye and a cookout for starters. Tomorrow a slip-n-slide on the steepest hill on campus with water, soap and baby oil. We’ll take pictures…but not of the broken appendages that are quite, quite possible. ;O

Jason added barber to his list of talents. As if he’d need any more. He’s good at just about everything…including cutting pineapple and making pigs in a blanket (which I needed for a shower today and he made singlehandedly! Thank you, thank you!)

And for today, as embarrassing as it is, I owe an apology. If you were driving a silver car compact car in Pendleton and pulled behind my mini-van in the bank parking lot, my attitude was rotten. I’m sorry. I did feel convicted when I threw the car into drive (which set the wipers and fluid into motion) and squealed out. I took it out on you. An hour of a crying baby broke me down, but needless to say, so sorry. Next time I’ll just spin my head in circles and skip the wheelies.

Mama Sloth and the Grumpy Cheetah

2010-08-21T22:01:00.001-04:00

{Caution for this post- Everything seems funnier at 2 a.m.}

If our lives were a cartoon,

this would have been last night’s show.

The camera zooms in on the ticking clock. One thirty a.m. You can see baby arms waving over the crib slats. It’s time to eat…again.

Sleepy Mama Sloth cradles baby in the rocker of his dimly lit nursery. Suddenly a black shadow emerges. Mama Sloth’s face becomes alive with alarm and wobbly lines appear beside her brow (fear). Cold sweat begins propelling itself from her body.

A roach is visiting in the darkness.

She grimaces and at lightning speed (for a sloth) does an exaggerated tiptoe to the next room to find a mammoth black shoe (or Daddy Cheetah’s favorite Chaco). All with baby in tow. Dropping baby into the crib, Mama begins a game of checker-like movements with the dark intruder, sweat still flying.

Finally, the intruder scurries under the trash can lid. Mama Sloth extends her pointer finger. Up flies the lid. Now hunched over, she cautiously searches. The dark monster appears in a flash, Mama jumps and he scurries under the lip. All too fast for Mama who’s shoe-filled hand falls limp beside her body. She needs backup.

Little arms flail in the background as the solemn march begins.

Cautiously, politely, she nudges. Daddy Cheetah’s eyes barely open to slits. Mumbling and brow furrowing ensues. Then with a not-so-happy jerk of the covers, he’s up.

In one swoop Daddy examines the lid, determines the dark monster to be lurking in the deep, ties up the bag and sweeps him out to the kitchen. Mama Sloth has only managed to blink.

Daddy Cheetah stalks down the hallway past the doorway muttering grumpy words while Mama still slumps over the can frightful the monster or his coodies got left behind.

As the camera fades Mama rocks baby while in the kitchen, under the glow of the sink light, the sneaky monster scratches and searches for a method of escape. But Mama, though slow in speed, has impeccable hearing.

Double bagging him before slothing (you know, the walk of sloths) back to bed, Mama Sloth congratulates herself that, yes indeed, she has saved the night after all.

The Latest

2010-08-14T22:45:00.001-04:00

As promised, the lessons from camp and the news from the 11th.

This summer I started seeking depth. Friends have talked about amazing encounters with God. Fresh waves of his spirit.

I knew it. There has to be more.

More than wishing changes in my life. More than reading about Acts kind of power. More than mustering weak boldness. So after prayer for more, I am entering the adventure of finding what I have been seeking. An excerpt from my journal:

This week I've found purpose and peace in a calling God placed in my DNA long ago. Following that I've been infused with a newfound boldness that is still being worked through me. Boldness to take God at His Word. Boldness to refuse to miss a day away from His Word. Boldness to speak the Truth in love. Boldness to have confidence.

And last night the boldness turned to outrage. I felt like I saw decisions in someone else's life for what they were, compromise. God is not an auctioneer or market seller to be haggled down on the price He calls us to pay when we follow. We try to get by paying the lowest thinking we've made a deal but, really, we've forfeited the treasure.

This is what I know:

God's Word stands firm. It's trustworthy. Useful for exhorting, correcting, teaching. We must be renewed by it daily or we start buying lies and being robbed of really living.

God's Spirit teaches the sweetest, deepest lessons. Peace can permeate every fiber of our being if we are walking fresh and humbled before God.

My body is a temple where God's spirit resides. How dare I not take care of it.

Satan's lies come with a glimmer of truth. That's why we buy into them. And Satan often fights in the opposite way of which God tries to work: "Kelley, you are worthless. You have no purpose." While God whispers, "In the fiber of your being I've given you burdens and callings. I set before you opportunities I created you to do. For this time, this place, with these gifts. And what you bring, no matter how little, is so pleasing to me. Let me use you for my namesake."

And what has been placed deep in my DNA is a heart for the underdog. A heart that comes alive serving with compassion. So when the opportunity was presented to work with an organization advocating for orphans, after my own God encounter, I agreed.

Wednesday I sat across a table from a little girl named Caroline and her mom, the director of Caroline’s Promise North Carolina. There I agreed to be a voice for children by working as director in South Carolina. I couldn’t be more honored or excited as I’ve heard God say: “I set before you opportunities I created you to do. For this time, this place, with these gifts. And what you bring, no matter how little, is so pleasing to me. Let me use you for my namesake.”

Fall Retreat

2010-08-13T19:27:00.002-04:00

A new group, a new year and a new outlook. Here are our favorite snapshots from our RA (Resident Assistant) Retreat and preparation for the arrival of students..which was today! The fabulous 80s photo completed our welcome bulletin board with everything totally, awesomely 80s!

Breaking the Silence

2010-08-04T14:48:00.001-04:00

California, Georgia, Indiana, Michigan, North Carolina, South Carolina: we made the most of July and got some priorities reset in the process. Wonderful things happened. Some we’ll share below in pictures. Some can’t be shared until a few meetings take place and things are official which should be around August 11. ;)

July in Pictures

Our sweet son did these things: laughed, started grabbing and holding things, rolled over, sat up (with help), started making raspberry noises and made two long road trips like a pro.

We made a full Azeri meal to surprise our friend in Michigan: Russian salads, plov (rice dish), toyuq (chicken) and even baklava! It took ALL day!

Jason made it to the top of Halfdome, again. Surprising his family, he arrived the same time they did at the San Fran. airport to spend the week hiking with his dad and brother.

On the friend front, one amazingly talented friend left for six months in China. She left behind her Canon Rebel camera in exchange for our less flashy, less expensive Sony. We love that kind of trade! Now, to work the thing…

I, Kelley, attended my first Blessingway. Such a thoughtful tribute ushering my soon-to-be-mama friend into motherhood. Hoping to host many in the future.

Matt Tegen and Justine Iskat visited from Haiti and Pennsylvania.

Hortense Camp in South Georgia enriched every fiber of my being. Family, friends, the Word. Pure goodness. And a post full of thoughts that will be up soon.

But July flew by and now it’s August. Our Fall RA retreat starts Friday. Resident assistants start arriving today. Shopping carts full of food come tomorrow. Then time away at Mrs. Coleman’s beautiful mountain house. Welcome August!

Perspective, Please…

2010-07-12T06:48:00.001-04:00

I’m having a hard time with this month of a bloggy break. You can tell. ;) Maybe because early morning hours are my best think time these days and maybe because I’m a pretty open book, I thought I’d share the challenges of the morning.

Our air went out Friday with no one to fix it until Monday. End of the world, right?! Until we were sitting at breakfast Saturday morning complaining. Matt, just back from Haiti, coyly remarked, “Aw, that’s just too bad.” The irony woke us up. He’s been in 97 degree weather in his house for months. That not saying the temp in the sun. And it dawned on us: people all around the world don’t have air conditioning.

So last night when a camp arrived to find out about the no air situation, one man was more than a little miffed. I saw my American self in him and our sense of entitlement. I wanted to share my recent epiphany but thought he might not appreciate the perspective as sweat dripped from his nose.

And just this morning as I’m polishing my nails against my shirt over the lesson learned about my entitlement, I’m sulking over the fact my 3 month old woke me repeatedly since 4 a.m. leaving me unable to sleep while he finally drifts off. Then I read this from an incredible blog of a mom who just brought home a beautiful boy from Ethiopia:

I once heard an adoptive mom say, “I feel sad for families who don’t get to experience this.” It’s hard. It’s trying. But, it’s the gospel. It’s what we were made for. I wasn’t made for manicures, vacations or even the luxury of a good night’s sleep. I was made to store my treasures in heaven and to shine Jesus out of my heart. After just 2 weeks of the hard stuff, I can totally see why people keep growing their families through adoption, why foster care families continue to love by giving their hearts away and why orphan care ministry staff work for little to nothing. Loving with His love and living through His power is addictive…it’s powerful. And there’s no other way I would want to live.

Ouch, in a good way. So next time I’m complaining, you have my permission to pass me some perspective, please. It may sting at first but, oh, how much better I am for it.

A Quick Note

2010-07-09T22:28:00.001-04:00

Just a quick update from the Tegen three. We got all the bags packed then made it to Michigan, a wedding and back home. It’s a quiet summer at home now, and we adore it. Tonight Matt Tegen gets back from Haiti for a two week stay and next week the pace picks up again for us with a few miscellaneous trips here and there.

Master Levi slept through the night twice in Michigan but almost as if to warn us again raising our hopes has slept terribly the last three nights. So tonight, July 9th, he moves to his own room. We considered taking away one of his 20 earned Chucke E. Cheese visits but opted for the move instead. :) He’s such a blessing of a baby.

Now to wash and rewash and rewash cloth diapers, work on our anniverary books from Picaboo, read the baby whisperer’s advice on establishing a sleep routine, cook some wholesome meals and read some awesome blogs.

Hope your July is going well!

Out of Focus

2010-06-26T22:03:00.004-04:00

There's been silence here at Tegen Central because it's become apparent that it's high time for a little bloggy break. Amazing how so much time can be consumed perusing blogs, writing and rewriting posts mentally, planning pictures and documenting things just to record here. Three posts that were composed this week never made it to print, and I realized how much time they'd consumed. Honestly, right now my energy is needed elsewhere. So for the month of July things will be pretty quiet around here. By August priorities will hopefully be reset and allow for a few posts here and there. For now we'll leave you with some realities we're being confronted and challenged by. And I'll go get packing. We leave at 6 a.m. tomorrow for Michigan and somehow it's already 10:38 p.m.! : O

RADICAL from David Platt on Vimeo.

Today

2010-06-15T10:15:00.001-04:00

{Accountability demands follow-up. Below you’ll see how it went yesterday. Looks like I’ve already got today’s list…and probably tomorrow’s!}

Yesterday was one of those days. An I-don’t-feel-good, don’t-want-my-parents-to-leave, get-nothing-done kind of days. Those are allowed. But today is a new day and even though I, Kelley, wrote out today’s goals, I need more accountability than that to get moving. So for today I will….

Get 64 ounces of water down

~~Spend time with my maker~~

Ease back into exercise

~~Clean house~~

Write thank you notes (got started!)

~~Return some calls~~

~~Return that REALLY overdue book to the library~~

~~Enjoy the now instead of wishing for things ahead~~

Plan ahead, finally. Get Father’s day gifts lined up

and…Read that book I’ve been working on for two months

Hope this can be inspiration for you, too, to finally get going…today!

Thoughts from the Operating Room

2010-06-11T08:41:00.001-04:00

Wheeling a patient through double doors as their family cranes to get any last peek is bound to be emotional. Levi waved bye, with some help, and Jason gave me our special hand signal that means “I love you with all my heart.” I was wiping away tears while I still had use of my arms. Soon they’d be strapped down and I’d have to ask the nurse to scratch my itchy nose, which she did, obligingly.

The angel/epidural man from nine weeks ago was my anesthesiologist which put my racing heart at greater ease. Only twice had I ever been in an operating room. Both still on my feet while taking a tour of hospitals in developing countries. But yesterday from the flat of my back I had a new perspective and first impressions of the OR…some obviously under the influence. :)

Everything looked so state-of-the-art. I confided to the staff how I wished the same technology for Haiti. They all enthusiastically agree. All the world was looking a little brighter by this point.

I thought how strange the background music sounded. Blurring together it resembled trash can lids clanging. “That means your medicine is working,” the nurse responded.

I thought how beautiful the spotlights were. So clean with all colors of brilliant light. I was impressed and noted a set in my bathroom would be great for better makeup application.

I thought of meeting Jesus and breathed a prayer of thankfulness for forgiveness. Peace came as I got excited about Heaven (should I have gone there yesterday).

I thought how much better it was to be on the ground in an operating room and not in the air on an airplane.

As I fought to keep my eyes open, I knew sleep was overtaking me. I covered my bases by apologizing in advance for anything that might come out of my mouth unknowingly, then looked straight into my nurse’s eyes and said, “I trust you.” Maybe they get that a lot because she and the anesthesiologist responded simultaneously, “We’ll take good care of you.” And for all I know, they did.

Surgery lasted about 45 minutes with the report that the gallbladder looked bad and needed to be out. But my gallbladder, along with all talk of it, has come to an end. And today I am recovering. Thanks for joining me on this journey and for the prayers. So glad to be on this side of surgery at home with family resting.

"It's Complicated"

2010-06-06T23:06:00.002-04:00

Brian Regan says it best. He's talking about the phone company, but it (the video's first 20 secs.) could easily describe our dealings with bills from the hospital and insurance this past week. Thinking about this video has kept us smiling. How true it is...

Eight Weeks

2010-06-01T22:17:00.004-04:00

Saturday we shared this video with friends and family at a baby shower in Georgia. Thought some stopping by the blog might enjoy it too.

Gallville

2010-05-26T15:27:00.002-04:00

The doctor walked in Monday and slapped a pamphlet down about laparoscopic surgery.
We exhaled. What had we expected from a surgeon?

That meant we had to ask questions and know what surgery meant. I got a little light-headed just looking at the diagram on the wall. We bulldozed ahead with questions anyway.

He made the surgery sound elective. I guess so if one wants to live with excruciating heartburn symptoms. We opted not and asked for "elective" surgery as soon as possible. Additionally, he gave two options: four small holes or one large one, a surgery he had only been trained for but never performed. We chose the former. :)

So, next week will be pre-op. June 10th will be extraction day. And June 11th...that will be the last day you ever have to hear about my gallbladder.

News

2010-05-21T11:09:00.001-04:00

The phone rang yesterday with the call we’d been waiting for. The news was no less than we’d expected. Medicine won’t treat this. Only surgery. So Monday we come back from a trip to meet the surgeon for me, Kelley, and my dear ole gallbladder.

Additionally, we looked into our boy’s eyes yesterday to see a miracle. See anything different between his two eyes?

We’ve been to the doctor, had tests, antibiotics and ointment for his right eye that’s been swollen and constantly green with goop. We prayed over it, and it began to clear. Then we got the call it was a certain bacteria that needed ointment so even though it was clearing we used the ointment. It started getting worse. Why, oh why, did we not trust God’s touch? We stopped the ointment and prayed again with much repentance mixed in. I sensed it would get worse before it got better. It did.

Wednesday it oozed all day and was more swollen. “Thursday,” I asked God. “Please touch it by Thursday or we’ll have to call the doctor again.” Thursday morning we went through our normal routine. It was halfway through the day when I looked down and realized his eye looked just like the other. Goop gone, swelling down, redness gone. Praise the Lord for His answers even when we mess up.

Webster's Words: Sludge

2010-05-19T16:20:00.001-04:00

Pronunciation: \ˈsləj\ Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English slugge, perhaps alteration of slicche mud, slush; akin to Old High German slīh mire

Date: 15th century

2 : a muddy or slushy mass, deposit, or sediment: as a : precipitated solid matter produced by water and sewage treatment processes

That’s the verdict we got yesterday: sludge. Despite our lack of reporting in, the weeks have been full: magical concert in NC, wedding, camping trip, exercise, six week check-up, writing of summer goals, end-of-school party and doctor’s appointment. But it wasn’t the first appointment that gave the verdict we’re sharing today. The third appointment after the new patient one and blood work was an ultrasound of all things abdomen. And after a lot of uncomfortable prodding and breath-holding the verdict is… gallstones.

Tear.

The technician literally said, “One of the three is blocking the duct and a lot of sludge has backed up.”

Joy!

So today we wait for the phone to ring for the next steps…although we think we know where we’re headed. Ugh. We’ll keep you posted.

Mom’s Day

2010-05-09T22:56:00.001-04:00

We are who we are

because of you.

May the generations to come benefit from so rich a heritage.

All Things G

2010-05-02T18:45:00.001-04:00

This is Tegen Central and sort of like a spin off of NPR’s All Things Considered, this post highlights the biggest news from life last week all connected by the letter g.

Grandparents. After several weeks of help and time together, one set of grandparents left for home while the other set returned from a week of business in Nashville. We have been so blessed by family who have watched our little one while we slept, changed him, rocked him through fussy spells, bought medicines, held him while we ran errands and loved on all of us. Mom and Dad Harrell, Mom and Dad Tegen we are so thankful for you.

Gifts. A most precious gift was given to us Friday. Tulips and a note sitting on our table explained the gift while the smell of Clorox wipes gave away the surprise: three students cleaned our entire apartment while we were out to dinner. That is a gift of epic proportion for a new mom!! Sweet Amy, Megan and Emily, thank you a million times.

Glamour Shots. Laurin McDowell is awesome with a Canon camera. Really though, we’re pretty sure she could even capture great shots with a disposable! The girl has talent. The photos she took this week speak for themselves. Looking forward to next weeks shoot of the whole family!

G diapers. He’s used a total of one gcloth in a gdiaper. Pretty pitiful. Who knew infants go through so many diapers in one day?! Hopefully, when the changing slows down a bit, we’ll enter the cloth world. For now we don’t have enough stock to last through a day and a half of changes so we’re enjoying the grandparent-supplied stash of disposables…maybe next month we can begin saving the planet one diaper at a time.

Grass. Not sure how many times we’ve driven through the parking lot of Lowes and Home Depot for Jason to drool over the zero turn mowers. Friday’s Craigslist postings intensified production in the salivary glands and yesterday a two hour drive made Jason the proud owner of a Toro mower. His new part-time lawn business is ready to start full force.

Graduation. This coming week school will wind to a close and many of our friends/students will graduate. Among those students is Jason’s mom who’ll be graduating with her master’s. Pictures to come.

So for this week, that’s All Things G from Tegen Central. Thanks for stopping by.

Levi Charles- An Easter Story

2010-04-20T23:28:00.001-04:00

{Sorry this is so overdue. A week long fever and complications took a toll. Finally feeling normal 2 1/2 weeks later. And the labor story. Hopefully you won’t hate me.}

For as long as I can remember the thought of giving birth has terrified me. I suppose it does every woman to some degree. But mine had deep roots. My own birth was so difficult it forced my parents to decide I would be an only. Growing up I always heard the story, and I was more than fearful.

When I married I’d only say “some day” to discussions on how many and when our family would grow. But by 3 1/2 years Jason was ready for the topic to leave the drawing board and come to life. With trepidation I agreed to see what God would do and almost a year of leaving it in His hands resulted in two lines on a small white stick. We were overjoyed, but I afraid.

Before we went public with our secret I had a chance to sit for a few hours of silence in the woods to process. Just me, God, the pines and a highly annoying bumble bee. I confessed and cried from fear. Quietly I heard a scripture. It was the beginning of a breakthrough. Jason quietly, daily prayed fervently for peace. My mom and countless others would often confess they were praying the same. And those prayers did wonders as my fears slowly faded into peace! Sweet peace.

Miracle of all miracles I was not anxious as March 31st came. Instead as April 2nd came and went I was disappointed. My dad for months was convinced his birth would be 4/2/10. But it wasn’t. The next day was misery. Fatigue, misaligned pelvis, swollen legs, etc. As I collapsed onto the couch that Saturday night I had no idea the gift that was hours away.

Easter Sunday morning. The day we as Christ followers celebrate life. Better than March 31st, April 2nd or any other day. Waking at 4:45 a.m. to a contraction, I received the golden hospital ticket- my water broke. Stunned Jason and I stared at each other. The pregnancy bible What to Expect When You’re Expecting came to the rescue. What would this pregnancy have been without that book?! An hour and a huge towel later, we I waddled to the car. The following timeline ensued:

6:30- Check in and paperwork. Contractions five minutes apart. “Water” everywhere.

7:30- More paperwork, I.V. and blood. Contractions slow.

8:30- Family arrives. 3 cm/100% effaced. Still calm. :)

9:00- Epidural man arrives. Painless, really. I think he was an angel…

10:00- 4 cm. Meds. to speed contractions. Jason and Dad Harrell get a biscuit. Mom Harrell and Mom Tegen report contractions are off the charts.

10:30- Nurse comes to put internal monitor on baby. Shocked to find 10 cm! Time to push. Blood still pumping in my head but mind in total shock.

10:35- Jason arrives still chewing his biscuit. Nurses EVERYWHERE.

10:40- Pushing starts. Cheering squad of eight medical personnel plus Jason.

11:11- Levi Charles Tegen is born at 7 lbs. 6 oz. Blood still in head. Absolute wonder on face.

My labor, a grand total of six hours, was smoother than anything I had even dared to dream. What an answer! And the baby they pulled from my body…how could I have carried something so perfect? His blonde hair and blue eyes surprised us, his sweet temperment delighted us, and his little body captured us. So this is love!?! How did we ever do without him?

But now, this is what the LORD says—
       he who created you, O Jacob,
       he who formed you, O Israel:
       "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
       I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
       I will be with you;
       and when you pass through the rivers,
       they will not sweep over you. Isaiah 43: 1-2a

Levi Charles Tegen

2010-04-09T23:02:00.006-04:00

We want to share all of the details, but we've been lost in the face, hands and feet of a 7 pound 6 ounce, 20 inch wonder.

It was all no less than a miracle, and we've been in a whirlwind since 4:45 a.m. Easter Sunday morning. Just tonight, Friday, do we feel some sense of "normal."

So while we work on a slideshow to post and the whole incredible account, enjoy a few pictures from the event. We promise to be back very soon to fill in all the blanks!

Minivan Man

2010-03-30T08:18:00.004-04:00

*Although the counter says one day until baby's arrival, we are still waiting without any certainty but hopeful it will be this week. Things are pointing that way. Keep watching our Twitter on the sidebar for updates!*

You can deny it. (I did.) You can say you’ll never, ever own one. (I did.) You can make fun of people who do. (I did.) You can say, “It’s the wife’s.” (I’ve already tried.) But for most of us there really is no getting around being tamed by a minivan.

I officially am.

Today I hand in my man card. I, no, we are the proud new owners of a 2003 Mazda MPV minivan. (For what it’s worth, MPV is an acronym for multi-purpose vehicle.)

I genuinely love the space and seating capacity. I genuinely dislike (hate is too strong) the persona that comes with the space-shuttle looking ride.

I feel I owe a few points of explanation that led us to this decision:

1. We need something with 4 doors because we have a car seat to think about.

2. We refuse to adjust our budget to pay for a gas guzzler. Our definition of ‘guzzler’ would be anything under 20 mpg. Exit essentially all SUV’s and 4x4’s with this stipulation.

3. We had a very specific budget in mind of what we wanted to spend.

This van meets all of our current needs perfectly. So the all-wheel-drive, turbo charged, 5-speed Subaru Outback, which we just sold mainly because we didn’t want as much money in a vehicle as we had in that one, gave way to this.

Thanks to Mom and Dad Tegen who sold us the minivan we are now equipped for our growing family.

Buh. I still can’t believe it…

My name is Jason Tegen, and I own a minivan.

Happy, Hot Tears

2010-03-25T23:45:00.004-04:00

I'm in tears. I think I would be even if not 39 weeks, 1 day pregnant and 3 cm dilated. :)

Sometimes things are too good to keep to yourself. Tonight, prolonging bedtime and my long To Do list, I read an update from a blog I follow. I love miracle stories. This new mom shares the story behind the baby, and it's phenomenal. So if you're interested in the read, grab the tissues. Just a hunch some "dust might get in your eye" whether you're male, female, prego or not.

Dear Wynn {The Birdhouse}

P.S. You might want to check out her previous post too. I mean, it's nothing out of the ordinary to have your bedroom photographed for HGTV, right?!