Saturday, September 15, 2012

Choosing Trust

Our pictures and all of our information made their way out of America, across the ocean and into the hands of the workers at our orphanage. Whew, that feels miraculous. We were just holding them, praying, one week ago.

There is excitement and uncertainty and a host of other emotions. It's fun to share the updates most of the time. When we started sharing in 2010 it was as a step of faith declaring we believed what God was showing and speaking. Lately, {let's be real honest} it's been a struggle to continue to share. The whole orphanage assignment far away from Kolkata has led to lots of speechlessness and prayer for both of us. We are blessed beyond measure with the incredible orphanage our daughter is in. Please don't read this wrong. We are so, so thankful and blown away by the connection that our friend worked there. But my heart, in particular, is still un-attaching from Kolkata, "the arm-pit" of India, where life for girls is extremely rough and where there seemed to be so much purpose in adopting an older child. His ways are not our ways. And a little girl without a family in Karnataka is as much in need as a little girl without one in Kolkata. We're having to surrender what we expected in exchange for what he sees best to give. It means walking by faith and seeking him for what to do with a vision thought to be from him.

In this happy time of seeing rapid progress in our adoption, this has been our point of struggle. A friend of mine calls this time of expectation before the end result being in the waiting roomThat applies. Being anxious to know every detail of what's going on behind the hospital doors, wondering how long you'll have to sit and wait, worrying whether everything is okay, feeling your life is on hold until you know the outcome. 

But even this time in the waiting room far away from Kolkata comes with opportunity cost. One option involves time-passing, pacing and worrying while the other involves settling in, earnest prayer and trusting. The opportunity presented to us in waiting is a chance to choose trust. We get the beautiful opportunity of choosing to lean into God in absolute faith. In the closeness that results there is safety in asking hard questions and letting him hold you until the doors open and everything is known. When you see her face and know if she is the daughter who has been promised. 

These are the things we're waiting for, stumbling over words about. We are doing our very best in this exciting time-- to calculate the costs, to enjoy every day with each other as three, to pray she makes it safely to the orphanage, to ask that she is greatly cared for and to daily choose trust when we don't quite understand or see the whole picture. 

We wait in hope for the Lord;
    he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
    even as we put our hope in you.  

Psalm 33:20-22

May that be totally true of us in this exciting and uncertain time.

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