Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Week of Four Posts: Part 2

Today someone said a very significant statement to me, "You have great worth in God's kingdom."


This heart that resists dying to herself? This girl who has to have spiritual lessons repeated a kazillion times to finally apply them?

The subject of worth has definitely been one of those kazillion times lessons for me. But God keeps speaking it and speaking it "in love-tones, lifting me up" as my new Jesus Calling book puts it [March 19]. So beautifully stated for what Scripture tells us and what I have experienced recently.

A college girl sat on our couch three weeks ago around midnight telling me her deep, deep insecurities.  She wanted to feel beautiful.  To have confidence.  To quit hearing a voice in her head telling her she was terribly ugly and totally worthless.  The more she talked, the more I related.  She was longing for significance and very unsure about Christianity.  So I tried to talk to her from some perspective other than a God-centered one.  But I couldn’t.  Every word that came out of my mouth about coming to the place of self-acceptance seemed empty and flat.  And while it is true that all of us need to learn to accept ourselves, the true beauty, confidence and worth she sought could only come from one place:  God.  Because when He gives them, they are unshakable.  I have learned that through my own life lessons.  
About a year ago I was driving to Charlotte to meet Lisa Holbrook about Caroline’s Promise.  I was having an exceptionally bad day because I woke up with one voice overwhelming my thinking and emotions.  The voice said I was a worthless failure and I would never be anything better.  I drove by myself and cried so hard I could barely see the road.  As I prayed and battled with God about my worthlessness I felt a prompting to turn on my radio to a local Christian station. The story that started was all about a treasure once found inside an old wooden box and the challenge that God is the treasure hidden inside believers that gives them worth.  As I drove and prayed feeling exhausted from the internal struggle, I realized in a new, deeper way.  God alone gives lasting, unshakable worth.  He is the good in me.  Period.

I had turned to Caroline’s Promise in hopes that I could finally be good at something.  And in the year directing it I only felt stressed and more inadequate.  So, after some really rich times of God telling His opinion of me, I stopped striving and resigned as Caroline’s Promise director.  While it did come with initial feelings of terrible defeat, I knew my worth did not come from directing an organization.  Instead, I have been finding deep fulfillment in daily listening to God’s promptings (which currently is leading me and seven other girls to India!!!) and being faithful to what He has given to me:  Jason, Levi, and a dorm full of girls starving to find the true, significant worth that God has been allowing me to know.  

Have you struggled, like me, believing that you have great worth in God's kingdom? I challenge you to ask God to "let the Holy Spirit take charge of your mind and comb out the tangles of deception"* so He can "transform you by the truth"* of what He thinks of you. 

Beautiful, BEAUTIFUL things happen when you and I do!  We actually begin to live like we are made in the image of God and have great kingdom worth.

*Quote taken from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling

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