Monday, March 26, 2012

Walking by Faith: Why not?

I've waited three years, two months and a few days to say this. 

Friday, March 23rd (my birthday), I received the most unexpected, extravagant birthday gift from God. 

Together, with God's peace, Jason and I began the process of adopting the little girl from India who has been appearing to me in dreams.

To any Western mind we are crazy. And for the last two nights even I've had trouble sleeping for the excitement and the weight of this decision. No form of crunching numbers shows we can afford this. We simply cannot. But we are crazy enough to believe that the God who comes in dreams, who keeps whispering India, who changed India's age requirement and who molded the hearts of our parents to a place of openness to adoption CAN afford to bring this little girl to us. We are in a MAJOR walk of faith. 

But since you always hear from me, I want you to hear more of the story from my husband's perspective. Jason writes:
A theme God has challenged me with off and on for years is the idea of how often I require him to kick me in the proverbial pants before I actually do anything sacrificial, unreasonable or unnatural in response to his leading. It amazes me how quickly my willingness and availability vanish when the implications of a decision include any of the three descriptors mentioned above. 
On the most basic level I'm describing the daily battle of whose my life is. Paul probably said it most concisely in Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ so I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in this body I live by faith in the son God who loved me and gave himself for me." I verbally confess that I want the same thing yet my actions often yield toward control, comfort, ease and convenience, i.e. my life remaining my own. 
On Friday night we were celebrating Kelley's 32nd birthday over a Panera Bread chipotle chicken panini with a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup. Our conversation found its way to where we stand in the process of starting the paperwork, which will officially begin the process of adopting our daughter from India. I expressed again how sometimes I feel incredibly peaceful, ready and in 'go-mode'...only to find myself indecisive and hesitant other times. (In case you're already thinking it: Yes, I realize I just magnificently defined emotions).  
I told Kelley that I never want to plow forward without God (which, as a side note, is a tendency of mine), but that I am tired of bending toward calculated or emotion-driven living. I want my actions and not just my words to shout: "My life is not my own because I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." 
So we walked out to the car and as we traveled down I-85 prayed out loud about where we stand before God in regard to this adoption. As I spoke many of these same thoughts to him, I felt overwhelmed with the whisper, "why not?". Why not? Why not start this process? God's written word says it clearly enough:  
Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless. Isaiah 1:17 
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep yourself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27 
Why not move on these words alone? Yes, for those who are thinking it, I understand that there is a lot that needs to happen between reading these words and starting an adoption process. :)  But the point is, instead of asking so many 'why' questions, I want to live my life asking 'why not?' in regard to practical ways I can give my life away and lose control so that God might have it more fully. How could we not respond to God's great love by extending it practically through running toward an adoption, in this specific case? Why on earth not? 
Most times God whispers to us. Questions of safety, comfort, logic, ease of life and the unknown often shout in comparison. But the word reminds me that "my life is not my own. The life I live in this body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." 
So, having been reminded of God's perspective, we finished the drive home and submitted the 13 page, $300 online application which officially starts the process of bringing our daughter home to us! Hitting the 'submit' button we prayed for God to keep us from getting ahead and to keep us from ever grieving his spirit by lagging behind. 
On March 23rd the miraculous and logical met bringing us to the decision of starting this journey. Such exciting yet huge steps we are taking.

While there is so much more to say, I have exhausted my midnight oil once again. We will be certain to update this week with a few more details.

Thanks for reading. :)


Iryna said...

Wow, HOW EXCITING!!! So, the girl that has appearing to you in dreams--do you now know who she is and where she is? Do you have to have a particular child in mind when you start the adoption process or do you have to start the process first and then eventually arrive to the decision on a specific child? Can't wait to hear how this journey will continue! :)

Martin LaBar said...

So God still speaks in dreams? Great!