Friday, May 15, 2009

The Trouble with White Flags

Over ten years ago a mentor gave me a green bookmark that I can still picture. She gave it to encourage me and reassure me- God's will must be supreme, and God is trustworthy. How do we forget and question that so quickly? Sometimes Jason and I really get the fact that this life is not all about us, but often we relapse into life through the Tegen lens. And that has been a struggle lately (at least for one of us).

Not that we are facing any illness or career move or urgent need. We are simply being asked to wait. Could anything be worse than that word, really? Lately the three-year-old is coming out in me, Kelley. I'd just like to stand in a corner, stomp my feet, and whine until something happens in relation to one specific prayer. Revealing, right?! And as that thought has come to mind I've had to fall out (literally) before God because it's not about me or Jason. In the surrendering, again and again, the poem from that bookmark has come:

I know not by what methods rare
But this I know, God answers prayer.
I know that He has given His word,
Which tells me prayer is always heard,
And will be answered, soon or late.
And so I pray and calmly wait.
I know not if the blessing sought
Will come in just the way I thought;
But leave my prayers with Him alone,
Whose will is wiser than my own,
Assured that He will grant my quest,
Or send some answer far more blessed.
-Eliza M. Hickok


So here I am in the middle of hard, freeing surrender. It's a difficult thing to be broken of our will, our timing and all. This stubborn three-year-old is slowly learning through discipline though. Like a little kid I really do want boundaries even if I cry and pout during the process. And I've done my share. Can't say it's all out either. But I'm trusting and know if He sees fit, after all my mess, He will answer...in His way, on His time, with His answer. And to that I must surrender.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

READING YOUR WORDS AGAIN I CAN SAY
HOW TRUE HOW TRUE. WAITING ON THE
LORD IS NOT ALWAYS EASY BUT IS ONE
OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS WE CAN
LEARN! LATELY, FOR ME, ONE OF THINGS THAT HAS "JUMPED" OUT OF THE SCRIPTURE IS "OBEDIENCE IS BETTER THAN SACRIFICE". WE LOVE YOU AND CHERISH OUR TIME TOGETHER.
LOVE, MOM HARRELL